Life of Goony

Random Pics (captions upcoming!!)!!!

2006-05-07T06:07:00.000+01:00

"the same light is within all"

Where the F@*K were u 4 the last few months Goony??!!! (captions to be added!)

2006-05-07T04:14:00.000+01:00

VIDEO HEAVEN!!!!

2006-03-04T06:20:00.000Z

check out all the vids below from the last few months,.... i promise u each one will either crack u up, wow u or warm ure heart!!! take care munchkins~!!!!!!!

John Karaoke!!!!

2006-03-04T06:00:00.001Z

So it seems John is an old pro at this game!!! he sings to his favoutite...lionel richie...with the aid of P-pIe...feel the power baby!!!!!!

POSEDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-04T06:00:00.000Z

these are my boys from the gym i went consistently to for the last 3 months of my stay in Chiang Rai..they all compete, although now they're all on their off season (not competition shape)...i made friends with all the big boyz in the gym and won their respect through consistent intensity and deadlifting more than they did...last 210 kg for 2 reps....big up the ego!!! it was awesome trainin with them...they all did heavy weight with the best form i've ever seen in my life!!!!...watch them in this posedown..they look awesome!!! its a bit dark but u can still make out all their lines....

Crazy Mike!!!!

2006-03-04T05:59:00.000Z

On our little farewell party by the English staff....P-Soi and Jorji try to sing to what is probably their most favourite song...u know, deep and meaningful....Mike the crazy bastard is doing cartwheels in the background...great stuff!!!!!

Ridin those elephants baby!!!!

2006-03-04T05:58:00.001Z

myself in Pai (meh hong song province) riding an elephant...jus looks so funny...i was half asleep, it was so early in the mornin!!!! Watch me trying to act like Attenborough...i don't think so somehow!!!!

MR POSTMAN!!!!

2006-03-04T05:58:00.000Z

sKEETER sings the old classic "Mr Postman" at a karaoke booth...u can't see him that well..but jus listen to him sing!!! its all him....he's so funny!!!..one of the nicest and most genuine people i've met here....i loved that guy...sexually...Grrrrrrrr!!!!

bYE bYE!!!!!

2006-03-04T05:57:00.000Z

i think we'll leave it at that...my studentzzz....i miss u lil bastards!!!

Jingle Bell ROCK!!!!

2006-03-04T05:56:00.001Z

The kidz practice jingle bell rock for the Christmas show in mike's class!!!

ChRISTMAS sHow!!!

2006-03-04T05:56:00.000Z

Watch our Christmas show...it was wild...kidz goin crazy......and a random student dressed up as "Doremon" this robotic cat from the future with a magical pouch!!! soundzzz so stupid!!!....but they totally love him in thailand,,,, for real.....

John enjoying some testicles!!!

2006-03-04T05:55:00.000Z

On the back of a pickup truck, going towards some hot springs..watch John tuck into some thai testicles.....i know u enjoyed it john.......mmmm....

SKEETER BAY!!

2006-03-04T05:54:00.000Z

This is from our mission to Chiang Rai Church on Christmas day....watch skeeter crack up as the baby tries to hypnotize us through the camera lense!!!

SPORTZZZ NITE!!!

2006-03-04T05:50:00.001Z

after we finished sports day (more like a week!) we let our hair down with the kidz at the aftershow party...these kidz go crazy man..and we followed suit..watch as these lil energetic pumpkins dance the night away!!

LADYBOY ROCK!!!!!

2006-03-04T05:50:00.000Z

this is a performance by a group of ladyboyz from our skool...at a festival fair held on the school grounds...watch how scandelous they get!!!!!....its amazin how they move their hips!!!..it actually turns me on a little....ok, that was sick....

POO TIME!!!!!

2006-03-04T05:49:00.000Z

this student...her name is poo!!!...is one of our favourite kidz from pcc!!! she's so cute!!! we all want to adopt her or at least to have a kid girl like her..she's so small..u know...when they look like babies and u jus wanna eat them..their little hands and feet...ok, i've freaked u out again haven't i!!!!

BIG C MISSIONZZZZZZZZZZ!

2006-03-04T05:48:00.000Z

tHIS CLip is from big C, our local big ass shoppin centre...a mall the americans like to call it...yep, this is what we do on the usual trip to purchase our groceries...i think we freaKed out the locals a little!!!!

joHN & GOONY dancin!!!!!

2006-03-04T05:47:00.000Z

well trying to at least..not quite authentic thai dancin..but we tried..the way i wiggle my ass actually surprised me..i didnt know i done that when i danced!!..goony u sexy beast!!....ok, that was groce!!!

C CARD!!!!!!!!

2006-03-04T05:46:00.000Z

t here john introduces us to a "normal" thai christmas card by a student...prepared to be wowed!!! these kidzzzz are so talented man!!!!!!!

DROWING IN KANCHANABURI!!!

2006-03-04T05:45:00.000Z

check this out..we're in Kanchanaburi (2 hours outside bangkok) at the beautiful Erawan waterfall park...John slides down gracefully into the water...keep following the camera to see me drowning..while mike laughs his head off!!! i was about to die man!!! no one gave a shit!!!! (some1 please give me swimming lessons!!)

CRAZY CCR!!!!!

2006-03-04T05:44:00.000Z

tHIS Is from one of mike's classes....the kidz knew some random rock anthem by some random american rock band called CCR!!!! who the hell are they!!! the kidz knew it by heart....mike was in old skool heaven!!!

OAT POSEDOWN!!!!

2006-03-04T04:50:00.000Z

oAt posedown!!! this was probably my best mate from the gym...we trained to gether sometimes and he always gave me a lift home..he always tried to give me free porn for some reason??......he used to rep out 120 kg bench press with the most concentrated form i've ever seen and squat over 200kg for reps, behind the neck shoulder press 100kg for reps.. etc etc....he's now on his bulking phase, so he's definition is not all there yet,,but ive seen him all cut up before a competition in bangkok (he got 1st and he looks like a beast)...he's lookin bulky here...but he's pose routine is legit!!!!! ...i used to call him ronnie..(after ronnie coleman!!!)

I AM ONE HELL OF A LAZY BASTARD!!!

2006-03-02T14:22:00.000Z

The last few months have been spent setting exams, assessing interviews and roleplays and than grading the lot...for those few that take a ganders at my blog wheneva they want to check if i am still alive ... I AM!!! (unfortunately!!)...so, to keep u guys reading i've posted my friend mike's newsletters, which he sends home. I'm sure u'll find them very humourous!!! Enjoy!!!!!!

More is on the way..including my picture summary of our first semester here and also all our crazy videos...(and believe me, they are craaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzy!!!!)

laters! x!

Taste of Thailand: ISSUE 6!!!

2006-02-26T08:08:00.000Z

TASTE OF THAILAND ISSUE 6 FEB 14 2006

THAILAND MOURNS THE DEATH OF QUIRKY KOREAN.

Michael Rios, English teacher and bran muffin enthusiast, died last week when he fell 5,426 feet to his grave.

The adopted South Korean son of Phillip and Susan Rios, was visiting Doy Puchifah (the Mountain of the Sky) when his glasses fell out of his pocket and vanished into the clouds beneath him. Goony Singh, a professional fishmonger, witnessed the tragedy.

“I’ve never seen a moderately grown man cry like that before” said Singh, “As soon as he lost them spectacles, he started screaming, demanding that God himself rise from the heavens and apologize.”

But God did not show.

Former students report that Rios had been under a lot of stress since losing the cookie eating competition last Christmas. After the debacle, many of them recall their teacher repeatedly muttering “whose side is God really on?” during a majority of his class periods. Whether or not the defeat was the underlying cause for the 23-year-old’s mental explosion, one could speculate.

Rios spent his final moments perched on Puchifah’s summit, overlooking the mountain peaks of Laos and northern Thailand; for nearly 2 hours, he poked at the clouds with a small tree branch, moaning, sniffing, and slowly weeping his eyeballs out. “He looked like a monkey with that branch,” Singh said, “A monkey who was in love with his spectacles.”

Some would say, at least the goofball chose a serene place to lose his marbles.

Unfortunately the Korean lost more than just his mental strength. After one too many pokes, he finally lost balance and slipped into the clouds, joining his prized possession. Monks report that the rocks below his feet did not help the situation, as they were coated with a thick layer of snot and tears.

Funeral services will be held today at Princess Chulabhorn’s College Chiang Rai. The students have honored Rios by baking a massive abstract cookie, molded to resemble a heart/their teacher’s unique “porcupine hair style.”

CONSUMING GIANT WATER BUGS 101.

1. Grab her by the horns. Show her who’s boss and rip off the head first.

2. Remove the legs and stinger to prevent unwanted stabs and/or prods.

3. Have a handful of bamboo worms and crickets ready to wash the big bad bug down.

4. Treat her like a band-aid. Take the 3-inch beast in on one chomp. Biting off in rounds will result in bug juice spraying all over your dining area, blinding those who are unlucky enough to get some in the eye.

5. Do the Mexican hat-dance. And hop around your table as if she were a sombrero. You are in for 5 minutes of grossness. The water-bug’s exoskeleton won’t go down without a fight.

FACTS OF THE WEEK:

• A few taxi drivers approached us this weekend when we went to Chiang Mai (largest city in the north) and offered us transportation to a business offering a “Boom boom massage”. I guess to sweeten the deal, one driver added “they have coffee”, ya know, in case we were hardcore craving caffeine. Again, no happy endings were given.

• My first and favorite secret admirer, Miss Flower (known for her grammatical errors), revealed her true identity to me today. The confrontation was “awkwardly cute” as (A.) she blindsided me, (B.) I was trapped in a corner, and (C.) all of her friends were peaking outside giggling, waiting to see my reaction to her gift. Now, I’m not the most graceful of gift openers in the first-place, but I genuinely appreciated her homemade card, mix CD, and gourmet chocolates. She happens to be one of McNugget’s favorite students and her favorite subject is art.

• While eating with our colleagues the other day, one of the teachers looked up at McNugget and said, “You eat like baby.” I immediately laughed and went to go grab seconds. As I was filling up my bowl, I heard McNugget ask her, “What does Mike eat like?” and she said, “He eat like monster.”

FUN OR NOT SO FUN CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:

• The three of us went to a Potato concert last week (remember 5AM wakeup calls). During the entire show, hundreds of Thai boys sat on the shoulders of their friends, shirtless, and twirled their shirts around like it was a lasso. And may I add, for the first time in my life, I could actually see the stage, as I was taller than most the people there. Hooray for being Super-Sized.

• Thais have no problem picking their nose in public. And when they do it, they really go to town. I was interviewing one of my students today, and while I was asking her a question, she suddenly had a mighty nose itch. I completely blanked. I was honestly stuck in the headlights until she removed her finger from her left nostril.

WORST THAI PICK-UP LINES (TRANSLATED TO ENGLISH):
• Are you tired? Why? Because you’re running circles in my heart.

• Do you have any oil? Why? So I can fry a bridge to our love.

• Do you want to go to the farm? Which farm? The farm of our love.

TOP LOVE POEMS FROM THAI STUDENTS:

Love is boy and girl
When the world is pink, everything is love.
And I confirm. It’s real. It’s pure.

Love is pen.
Because it can write many stories in your memories.
Love is diary.
If you open it, we begins.

Sun don’t forget wakeup
Sea don’t forget wave
I don’t forget you, forever

Happy with you, smile with me.
I and you to be we are

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE WEEK:

• During a recent trip to a mountain with two students and their families, McNugget found himself to be the victim of a plethora of both emotional and physical noogies. As the only white-person spending the night on the mountain, the White Knight was bombed with piercingly loud Thai lessons from all angles wherever he went. It was a nice gesture by our new friends, but he couldn’t step anywhere without being surrounded by a handful of mouths repeating the same word at a mile a minute. I can only imagine that it felt like “clinically insane.”

ON THE MENU:

• The Super Tasty Photo Issue

Taste of Thailand: ISSUE 5!!!

2006-02-26T08:05:00.000Z

TASTE OF THAILAND ISSUE 5 JAN 20 2006

FORMER CHAMPION COMES OUT OF RETIREMENT.

Since 2001, Goony Singh has been a faithful vegetarian. But as the Brit proved last weekend, even the strongest of herbivores can pull a hammy if thrown in the right circumstance.

Singh, known worldwide for his career in the United Kingdom Fisherman’s League, converted to vegetarianism shortly after announcing his retirement in ’01, when he became the youngest fishmonger to catch 1,000,000 rainbow trout since Robert Redford.

Pi Thong, editor for Fish Fetish magazine, comments, “Goony was the best there ever was and ever will be. Bottom line. His ‘No Holds Barred’ technique will be studied for years.”

Unfortunately for all the children visiting Erawan Waterfalls last weekend, Singh ended his hiatus and tasted blood for the first time in nearly five years. There are many speculations as to what caused “Macho Monger” to feed again, but experts believe the disaster struck after he discovered he had finished the last of his Skippy brand peanut butter. Surrounded by only chicken and pork for three months, Goony has relied on his PB rations to provide him with the energy he needs to survive.

Witnesses report that Goony was staring into the water, when a magical fish jumped from the lagoon and smacked him in the beard. “Then the muscular fellow dove in after it,” a Japanese Tourist said, “He was screaming… there were fish heads flying everywhere. Mothers and children were crying, but I thought it was inspirational. It makes me want to be a fishmonger someday.”

Park rangers managed to tranquillize Singh in less than ten minutes. But the damage was done, hundreds of magical fish and two children were killed. Singh will be held at Old Man Snakehead Penitentiary without trial or peanut butter for life.

While many mothers agree with such punishment, there are some who still support the former champion. “I understand his pain,” Thong said, “No one likes a peanut butter and jelly sammy without the PB, that’s just ineffable.”
GREEN “BALLOON OF HOPE” GOES FLACCID.

Screaming. Cheering. Losing your mind. For three days. That’s how we do it in upcountry Thailand. Non-stop.

Sports weekend finally hit Chiang Rai, and it did so with some serious POW. The students were divided into four teams (blue, red, yellow, and green) and competed in a variety of events, from bocce ball to dancing competitions to indoor soccer. Goony, McNugget, and I were also given a jersey and dove in with the students to cheer-on our teams. We couldn’t keep up with the students however, as they seriously went nuts for the whole three-day event without losing an ounce of steam.

Goony’s Blue Mummies were by far the most dominant, sweeping most of the events with great poise and sportsmanship as Goony waived their flag with the utmost pride. My Red Devils, while playing with great heart and flair, couldn’t get past the Mummies athletic prowess. And then there were McNugget’s Green Ninjas. While cute, they were just downright pitiful.

On the final day of competition, all the events had finished except for the track and field events. Goony and I were drafted as commentators at the announcement table, and were having an absolute ball when we noticed a white shiny object in the distance. We quickly realized that the blinding white flash was none other than McNugget holding a green balloon. The White Knight had lined up for the final race, the 1600 meter relay, next to one of his Green Ninjas.

The pistol shot-off and McNugget darted ahead of everyone like he was that electronic rabbit in a greyhound race. Every team but his own eventually passed the Knight, who was still holding his green balloon high in the air, waving it back and forth, yelling desperately for the Green Ninjas to catch up. In the end, Blue finished first, followed by Red/Yellow, then the white flash/green balloon, and last and certainly least, the 4th struggling Green Ninja.

The White Knight didn’t seem to appreciate the commentators’ laughter or comments on the matter.

GREEN “BALLOON OF HOPE” GETS PICK ME UP.

But the Knight’s time to shine even brighter would come soon enough.

As I mentioned earlier, most Thais are not built for athletic competition. After the last track and field race, the basketball coach (who is indeed built for sports) asked if we wanted to play in a teacher vs. student basketball exhibition game.

Now Goony has never played basketball. And McNugget and I, in America, would be the last two people you’d ever want on your team. Fact is, we both haven’t played basketball since puberty, because of how utterly terrible we are. But in Thailand, there is no limit to how bad someone can be at basketball, most students don’t dribble, and even fewer can actually hit rim when they shoot the ball.

Because McNugget and I can perform a “lay-up” we might as well of been basketball gods. There is no such thing as defense in Thai basketball, or jumping for rebounds, just insanity, air-balls, and double-dribbles galore. There were moments when McNugget, Goony, and I were flailing on the basketball floor with the students, laughing uncontrollably as the ball hopped around like a hot-potato. We consistently made students shriek nervously by our intensity and I had to stop playing and compose myself every time I saw a successful “bowling ball pass” go between the legs of another student.

It’s really really sad, but playing basketball that afternoon against kids still going through their awkward stage was and will most likely be my greatest athletic performance ever. I actually lost track of how many points I scored, but I’m fairly certain it’s more points than I’ve scored in the last two decades combined.

…

MEXICAN CUISINE CURSES NEW YEAR.

On Thanksgiving you’ve got your Turkey, for Christmas and Easter, you’ve got your honey roasted ham. Super bowl? Chips and Salsa. But as Americans, what do we have for New Years? Pepperoni pizza and champagne?

For our December 31st away from home, McNugget and I were chosen to represent the United States in the Tourist Inn New Years International Potluck, an event where guests from around the world prepare specialty dishes from their native land.

Since ground beef is expensive and hotdogs are everywhere, we traveled to the Import Grocery Store in hopes to find something else that would whisper “Uniquely America”. We searched the aisles up and down, but with no luck, we couldn’t find anything worthwhile, and unfortunately, the best option to represent the Land of the Free seemed to be canned Spam.

So we made the decision to represent “The Americas” and went tacos. Chicken tacos supreme.

When we arrived back at the inn, on the patio, people were preparing the cooking stations for traditional Korean BBQ. Inside, the kitchen was hopping; A roomful of small Asian women were whipping up decorative green tea muffins, colossal vegetable pancakes, fresh sushi, tiny sweet potatoes, and a witch’s cauldron full of Japanese stew. The tacos would have to wait; we preferred that our disaster be made in private, rather than in a room full of 21st century cooking machines.

Van Morrison’s Greatest Hits set the mood perfectly as we kicked off the dinner in true Thai fashion; that is, eating in a circle, laughing, singing, and enjoying life to the fullest. With about 2 hours left until countdown, a playfully drunk inn owner ran up to me with Skeeter and started repeating a phrase I couldn’t understand for the life of me. Finally the owner said, “You speak Spanish?” and I realized they were trying to say “Queiro Taco.”

McNugget and I stormed off to the cooking arena and took the kitchen helm by the horns. 30 minutes later, the fiesta began, and we served the stuffed shells fresh off the baking sheet. I’m also thoroughly pleased to say, until the final crumb was devoured, all you could hear was the crunch of victory. Score one for The Americas, “Taco Time” was a smashing success.

At last it was 2006. The time had come for us to light a giant soaring lantern (think mini hot air balloon), to send off into the stars and spread good luck upon us for the New Year. Before lighting our beacon of good fortune, we signed the delicate paper shell and for some reason, included our e-mail addresses.

We gathered in a circle, all holding an edge of the lantern, while Off, one of our goofier Thai friends, dowsed the base with lighter fluid. Then he looked right at me, smiled, and said, “This one’s for Taco Time” and struck a match. My laughter was quickly silenced by the screams of terror around me. The delicate paper lantern walls had caught fire, and with it our dreams of 2006.

Apparently, Thai lanterns simply aren’t a fan of too much sour cream.

FACTS OF THE MONTH:

• Some of the guests who partook in “Taco Time” had a strong suspicion that McNugget and I were lovers because we enjoyed flirting with one another and had excellent cooking chemistry.

• Skeeter, our own “Japanese Tourist”, left a few weeks ago. We will miss him; he was a grade A mentee and hard-working Skippy Peanut Butter Scout. On one of his last nights, we took him out for karaoke and watched in awe as he sang and danced to “Mr. Postman” gorgeously.

• Update on the skin whitening phenomenon: Not only do stores sell skin whitening creams, lotions, and drugs, but also skin whitening deodorant for that hard to reach underarm area.

• During a night carnival, I was trying to speak Thai to one of the female teachers when I hit a brick wall of inappropriate failure. I decided to stop speaking both Thai and English for the evening when instead of saying “So, do you like to eat cotton candy?” as I fully intended to say, I asked, “So, do you like to eat pubic hair?”

CULTURAL WHOOPSY DAISY OF THE MONTH:

• In between classes, McNugget was preparing some food in the English Department when he came across a small herd of red ants. He proceeded to completely destroy them all, laughing with each and every frag. He finished his killing-spree to find the entire Thai faculty staring at him with great fear and confusion. Later, he would find out, that Buddhists literally don’t harm a fly.

RANDOM QUOTE FROM A THAI PERSON:

• “My cat get fat. Because I cut his testies.”

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE MONTH:

• A student, who is consistently tardy in one of McNugget’s classes, ran in 10 minutes late last week holding what appeared to be a note and immediately asked to use the bathroom. The White Knight snatched the object from her hand, and started to say “Wait a minute, what makes you think you can…” until he realized the object was a tampon and started freaking out.

FUN OR NOT SO FUN CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:

• In northern Thailand, during the winter season, Thais are constantly commenting on how cold they are. Despite such claims, where air conditioning is an option, without fail, they love to use the technology relentlessly. Last week, on our 12 hour bus ride back north, we found ourselves covering our shivering bodies with anything and everything in our backpacks (books, tissue, dirty laundry, half-eaten croissants, etc) in hopes to prevent further frostbite. It seems that Thais haven’t quite grasped the fact that a person can change the air flow settings - and rather than using “Low”, “Medium”, and/or “High” as needed, Thais like to set the AC to “Meat Locker” and keep it there until all the passengers die from hypothermia.

ON THE MENU:

• Lady Boys Gone Wild
• Americans Eat Bugs Like They Flapjacks
• The Downfall of The Iron Dragon

Taste of Thailand: ISSUE 4!!!

2006-02-26T08:01:00.000Z

TASTE OF THAILAND ISSUE 4 DEC 25 2005

MCNUGGET WITH YOUR SKIN SO WHITE,
WON’T YOU GUIDE OUR PLAY TONIGHT?

John McNugget, known by many as one of London’s “High Tea Times ” superstars, jumped on board the teach in Thailand wagon a few weeks ago, when Princess Chulabhorn’s College voiced the need for one more foreign teacher.

Fully aware of the arctic freeze splashings, McNugget joined without reservations, and arrived in Chiang Rai after 36 solid hours of travel. With only a half day to adjust, he was quickly thrown into his first classes, where the kids gave him his own Cinderella welcoming, complete with giggles, dancing, and Billy Joel’s Piano Man.

With more than 800 Thai students and no other pure Whitey’s, this Irish-American sticks out like bleeding monkey in Antarctica. Recently dubbed the “The White Knight”, McNugget has yet to review a photo of himself without exclaiming, “God, I’m SO white.” The glamour shot above is his best/tannest picture known to date.

Paleness aside, this past week has been filled with prep for yesterday’s Christmas Show Celebration, an event that turned out to be 4 solid hours of first-class entertainment.

Kids from every level performed plays (in English) that made us all laugh, Goony cry, and me reflect on how amazingly creative some of the students are. A couple of the performances in particular were down-right beautiful. My youngest kids “Jingle Bell Danced” and I couldn’t help but feel proud.

In between shows, the Thong had us entertain the rest of the student body. First, we warmed the crowd with “Santa Says” and a game of musical chairs. Second, a dance contest. Third, it was our turn to sing a 14 minute music mix that we kicked off with a CCR’s Have You Ever Seen the Rain soul train. Then, I sang our favorite Potato song (a 21st century power ballad) as the crowd shouted with me in Thai.

Goony cranked up the volume with the next Thai pop-song when he bench pressed McNugget to the upbeat music. Luckily before things got too stimulating for the kiddies, they cooled down the audience with a powerful yet tasteful duet of Lionel Ritchie’s Say You, Say Me. I slow danced with The Thong. We capped the musical montage with the rest of the English Department staff and sang our beloved Last Christmas by George Michael.

Lastly for the “Mike, John, and Aman games” we held an eating competition…

FAT AMERICAN TEAM CHOKES IN COOKIE-EATING CONTEST.

During a job interview, when a potential new employer asks, “What’s your greatest weakness?”, if I was being completely honest, I’d respond, “Eating competitions. I can’t turn them down.”

Perhaps it’s the adrenaline rush of the race itself. Perhaps it’s the beauty of the art. You’re faced with a dish, or better yet, a grand mound of sustenance, and while you have a set of opponents, it’s ultimately a war waged between food and man. It’s a rare form that combines speed, power, technique, and finesse, and as soon as you underestimate the task at hand, you may be faced with an oh-so-humbling loss as you pout and hold your belly.

Unfortunately, McNugget and I faced this nightmare today. We were demoralized on Christmas.

The contest seemed simple: 6 teams of two, 12 cookies, 2 balloons, no water. The first 3 teams to finish their cookies and blow up their balloons go on to the final Banana Round.

As the Americans, we were the strong favorites. Some parents screamed, “Objection! Objection! They have McDonalds! They are Supersize!” while other parents bet their house payment, child’s university tuition, and kitchen sink on the notion we would dominate. After hearing the rules, I looked at McNugget and said, “Pie, man. Easy as pie.” he smiled back and gave me some knucks.

Journey’s Anyway You Want It blasted through the speakers and we ripped through the wrappers of our first “powder” cookies. They instantly dissolved into a hard to swallow goo, and for a moment, I felt nervous. But we plowed on, and finished our cookies well before the other teams. The kids were going crazy; the parents who bet their life’s savings on us started shouting, “Go Amereeka! Amereeka! BLO BLO BLO!”

Cookies ahead of the competition, I calmly grabbed my balloon and attempted to inflate it, but to no prevail. A minute passed, the other teams had more cookies, and we still had flat balloons. Slowly more and more teams finished their cookies; we kept giving the balloons our all, but were unable to budge the little rubbers. Suddenly it was over. We had been duped by the Thai balloon.

The students enjoyed the final Banana Round while we held back the bitter tears of defeat. As McNugget said, “It was like we were inches from the finish line, a bird crapped right in our eye and we couldn’t even see the competition pass us by.”

TEACHERS ADOPT JAPANESE TOURIST.

To witness the cookie debacle was our new friend, a Japanese man whose name we do not know. He is a 5’3” man-child and is one of our favorite characters in Thailand.

For about a month, he’s been staying at the Tourist Inn & Bakery, a place we go on the weekends for a good meal and hot shower between adventures. From what we can tell he never leaves and does absolutely nothing but eat, sleep, and act genuinely insane. We’ve also concluded he is actually a cartoon fugitive, hiding in upcountry Thailand.

We started to bring him everywhere we go, not only because we thoroughly enjoy his company, but a small part of me believes it’s because we want to hear him introduce himself for the first time, thus revealing his secret identity.

Yesterday, when he came to our school, The Thong turned to me, and asked, “Miiiike, you introduce me to your friend?” After some awkward squirming I weaseled into ADD-mode and looked up at the ceiling. So she took it upon herself, the moment of unveiling would be coming any second. “Hello. My name is Pi Thong”, somewhat appropriately, our small friend responded, “Hello. I’m a Japanese tourist.”
…

In the Christmas spirit, while walking around the city, we decided to give the cartoon a nickname. He seems to be quite fond of it, which is nice, because it fits him so slim-sexy. And at least in our hearts, he’ll be remembered forever as Skeeter. Good ole Skeeter “The Eater”.
CHRISTIANITY LOST IN TRANSLATION.

80 percent correct. 20 percent wacky. I’m finding that’s how most Western World ideas arrive in Thailand – dented, but functional nonetheless.

Two weeks ago, I went to buy a new memory card at the main Chiang Rai electronics store. Of course it was out-of-stock, but they insisted I wait and drink green tea while they went to their other store and picked one up. So I obliged and talked with the owner, Sangaroon, for nearly an hour. Turns out that she studied her masters in London, and she spoke English faster than any foreigner I’ve ever met. It was almost too fast for me to handle. Talking a mile a minute with a mini-ear phone surgically attached to her ear, she introduced me to her “very fat” son and called me a liar when I told her I did not have a Thai girlfriend.

After purchasing the card, we exchanged contact information, and since then, Sangaroon has hit me up nearly everyday with a friendly email or social invite. Unfortunately we have been quite busy, and until two nights ago, we have been unable to meet.
…
Thais are predominantly Buddhist, but in the north, there is apparently a small Christian population. Sangaroon’s husband is among the few, and invited us to a Christmas party on the Eve. The night was going well, and while we were sipping our after-meal tea, Sangaroon waved us over to the door. We peaked to see a large group of peeps gathered outside.

Seconds later, candles were lit, and carols sung by the sea of Christians. It was our first taste of the 2005 Christmas spirit.

Afterwards we socialized with the locals, and were invited by the church’s Pastor to go caroling with them at one final house. May I add, he has one of the deepest voices I’ve ever encountered, which for a Thai male, is inconceivable. We traveled via cramped van to the back alleys of low-end Chiang Rai, crossed broken-down bridges, weaved through a herd of night-buffalo, and parked outside a neighborhood of rabid dogs. After waiting for two lost taxis for nearly 20 minutes, all the houses remained lifeless. As McNugget and I grew uneasy with the situation, the others finally arrived, and we began our carols.

At the end of the last verse, the lights turned on in one of the shadier houses and we all walked inside, greeted by a steaming bowlful of traditional Thai noodles. We felt at home as could be, eating, chatting, sitting in a circle - the Christmas spirit was in full gear. Then the wacky 20% percent kicked in, and I hope I’ll never forget what happened next.

Conversations were silenced when the Pastor began to speak. Everyone listened intently to his every word, and then he looked at us, the true-blue Americans, and said, “Now we pray.” The circle cheered. He threw his right arm forcefully into the air, hand stretched out and everyone quickly followed. Yes, you are envisioning it correctly. It was straight up like a salute to Hitler’s Third Reich. And if that wasn’t enough, everyone starting yelling their own individual prayers at the top of their lungs. Somehow, somehow, McNugget and I held back any and all emotion until we returned to our humble abode.

Ho-Ho-Holy enough.

FACTS OF THE WEEK:

• I finally played with the golf team where I saw a variety of swing styles, from feet together to no follow through. We each had 3 balls, a random single iron, and would try to lay up to the one and only green. After a round, we’d walk to our ball, hit back to the tee and repeat. After one hour of practice, I was the only one to shank the ball and/or stick it on the green, coaches included. They would watch me hit and were surprised by how far I could smack a wedge. I felt strong, like gorilla.

• Last week, McNugget went on a man-date with Skeeter. Despite language barriers, he said that the date “went well” and that they basically spent the entire dinner making funny-faces at one another, laughing the night away.

FUN OR NOT SO FUN CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:

• If you are an American, and you come to Thailand, you’ll be asked, “will you break-dance for us?” not, “can you break dance, but will you break-dance, because all Americans obviously know how.

• Thais are all about social-economic class. For example, if you invite your boss to go out to eat with you, because he/she earns more monies than you, your boss is somewhat expected to cover the bill. We’ve gotten the screwgie a few times due to the fact that all westerners are not only break-dancers, but filthy rich.

• When Thai children are overly stimulated, they release excess energy by performing a “double-high five”.

CURRENT MUSIC, READINGS, MOVIES, ETC:

• (Music) Bobby Helms. Song – Jingle Bell Rock
• (Book) David Sedaris. Book – Me Talk Pretty One Day
• (Movie) Brother 2
• (Drink) Hot soy milk

“JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS”:

Translated in Thai: “Ying Ying Dong, Ying Ying Dong”

THE 2005 THAILAND HOLIDAY FAMILY PHOTO:

ON THE MENU (delayed due to holiday issue):

• Sports Weekend Promotes Safe Sex.
• Eggs-plosion in Paradise!
• Students Celebrate Drug Day with “Arabic Dancing”.

Taste of Thailand: ISSUE 3!!!

2006-02-26T07:58:00.000Z

TASTE OF THAILAND ISSUE 3 DEC 12 2005

POTATO CAUSES RUDE AWAKENING.

Every morning is a beautiful struggle. A great debate of epic proportions. Goony and I usually choose to postpone the suffering, some would call it the easy way out, but regardless, as cold-man winter is settling in, our delays are getting longer and longer.

At 5 AM, we are awoken by the sounds of exotic bugs, who chirp, scratch, and psshhh the minutes by. Then it comes. The Potato blasts through our windows, piercing our eardrums and shaking us awake. Goony growls through the walls while I moan and plug my ears. Despite such blastings, everyone in Thailand loves the Potato. During the day (even night), I would say Goony and I love the Potato too. But not at 5 AM.

The Potato is one of the, if not the hottest rock/boy-band hybrid in Thailand. At school they play different Potato songs to mark activities, such as meals, flag assembly, or the ‘time-to-wake-up—at-the-crack-of-dawn-whether-you-like-it-or-not’ alarm. They carry a good tune and currently provide the soundtrack to my life.

But back to the great debate.

After a good dose of Potato, I’m faced with two choices: 1. Attempt to reach a new career-high for consecutive days without a shower (or) 2. Do 1,000 jumping jacks, bite the bullet, and dump several buckets of arctic freeze water over my naked body. Granted, going 3+ days without a shower is downright gross, but for those of you who have never experienced an arctic freeze splashing, you don’t know how painful the experience truly is. Goony, who is definitely the strongest man I know, man-roars after each bucket-full, and I, well, I let out mini-man-roars.

“CONAN-LIKE BATTLE CRIES” WAKE UP THAI BABIES.

In the flat below us, resides the school baby. A cute little pooper who enjoys peek-a-boo and crying to the Potato drum. We of course hear this cutie clear as a bell and he acts as a reliable second alarm. So what does this mean? It means that our humble abode, complete with an arctic freeze bathing basin, 14th century Roman stone mattresses, and a porcelain white no-flush toilet also comes with 1-inch sound enhancing walls.
…
But then we go to school and remember what it’s all about. Teaching continues to be a blast – the kids too cute for words.

Last week, one of my classes was canceled due to a Cubs Scouts assembly (yes, the troops are hoppin here). Of course I was slightly disappointed but continued to teach the other classes as normal. Throughout the day, three teachers approached me at different times, and asked if I was free after last period. Apparently, the students from the canceled class actually wanted me to teach after school. Crazy.

So sure enough, I walked into the classroom at 3 PM, and before I could even ask if they still wanted to learn, the kids cheered wildly. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I got a wee bit emotional.

Most weeks, Goony and I teach 22 classes each, plus the weekly “English is Fun” club. Once in a while The Thong will give us an awkward Thai lesson or we’ll teach the Thai English teachers new phrases (i.e. I’m as happy as a hippo). After school, we usually work out or play sports with the kids; soccer, basketball, golf, volleyball, rugby, bocce ball, ping-pong, karate, tae kwon do, takraw and footsall are the choices. I’ve played with most the students - except with the golf team; they swing literally with only their arms and it weirds me out.

On that note, I think it’s safe to say that Thai people are not made for athletic competition. They do however play with an incredible amount of field awareness. During all sports, students wear the same colored jersey regardless of team. And not to offend anyone, but since all the boys are required to maintain a military hairdo, 90% of these Asians look the same. This makes it really really difficult for Goony and I, so we usually end up just being teachers who are also ball-hogs.

THAI TEA TIMES.

On the weekends we go traveling around northern Thailand, most of the time with students. Our first field trip was to Wawi mountain and village, known for producing the finest tea in Thailand. I didn’t think the tea would really taste that different, but boy was it amazing.

We picked tea leaves with the freshman, who for two days also taught Goony and I. We danced, we sang, we practiced Thai language, and we listened as they showed us dozens of constellations in the star filled sky.

…
One weekend a month, the students are allowed to leave school grounds and go back home to stay with their families. And since our school started hiring foreign English teachers several years ago, no teacher has ever been invited to go home by a student.

Until now! Mwhahaha.

Since the first day of school, teachers told me I looked just like one of my freshman students, I was definitely skeptical, but the moment our eyes first met, I knew we had a winner.

Wikrom is a crazy little rugby player who likes to pick on girls and believes Nicole Kidman is the “most beautiful woman in the world”. Shortly after our first face to face meeting, the Thong told us Wikrom wanted us to go back home with him and that we should go, not because it’d be a great opportunity to experience some Thai family culture, but because “he is very rich”.

So we went with pleasure. Note his family was indeed very rich (his father is a Thai senator). His mother was incredibly sweet, and his 10 year old sister spoke better English than most of our high level students. Touring around the Pan District, we attended a traditional Thai Wedding, went shopping near Burma, and visited some northern villages.

But my favorite excursion thus far had to be our trip to an elephant camp outside Chiang Mai. Never in my life did I think I would see an elephant play soccer or run a relay race, let alone paint in various styles (abstract, nature, portraits). Thinking back on it, the whole thing still boggles my goggles.

And finally, I’m pleased to say that Cinderella is still at large, warm fuzzies are flying high, and I think to myself how lucky we are to be here each and every day.

FACTS OF THE WEEK:

• During a staff lunch, one of the teachers asked Goony if he took a shower that morning. He appropriately asked, “why? Do I smell?” at which she said, “No, because I no hear you screaming.”

• My digital SLR camera stopped working last week. The pain is worse than 100 arctic freeze splashings. And I don’t think I can get it fixed in Thailand 

• Before we arrived in Chiang Rai, Goony and I both wanted to learn Thai. It’s a simple language, as far as sentence structure goes (only one tense), but the catch is, there are 5 different tones (high, low, mid, low to high, high to low). And if you say the wrong tone, Thais will not understand what you are saying. For example, moo, moo, moo, moo, and moo all mean different things. The only “moo” I know means “pig”, and I think it’s the mid tone. I wrote a list of 40 plus verbs the other day and read them off to a Thai friend, out of all of them, she could only understand 5 of the words I was trying to say. Ouch.

• Elephants know how to taunt. May I repeat, elephants know how to taunt. Who’s your daddy now?

FUN OR NOT SO FUN CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:

• Thai names are super long. They are so long that everyone uses a nickname, and it’s given to them at birth by their parents. Most nicknames are simple, like Yam (means jam), Tangmo (watermelon), and Lek (small). Many nicknames, we are finding, are English words too, like Milk, Cake, and Prince.

• Physical appearance in Thailand is huge. When you meet someone, for example, they will comment on their own appearance or yours, no matter how blunt. A few times, before we have met someone, we recieved a little background on their looks, i.e. “my son look like buffalo.” My favorite goes to the teacher who’s daughter heard about my English classes (she has friends at our school) and wanted to learn with me during the night. So logically, her mom posed the question in the following manner: “My daughter want to learn English with you. She is very fat.”

TOP 5 STUDENT NICKNAMES:

5. Beer
4. Tömás
3. Dodo
2. Gold Deer
1. Turbo

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE WEEK:

CURRENT MUSIC, READINGS, MOVIES, ETC:

• (Music) George Michael. Song – Last Christmas
• (Book) Ernest Hemmingway. Book – The Sun Also Rises
• (Movie) Will Smith. Movie – Bad Boys
• (Food) Peppered Ostrich with Bangers

ON THE MENU. FOR THE NEXT TASTE:

• McNugget Found in Land of Moo.
• Sports Weekend Promotes Safe Sex.
• Eggs-plosion in Paradise!
• Students Celebrate Drug Day with “Arabic Dancing”.

Taste of Thailand: ISSUE 2!!!

2006-02-26T07:57:00.000Z

TASTE OF THAILAND ISSUE 2 NOV 23 2005

STUDENTS GO “INSANO”. TEACHERS BLAME CINDERELLA.

At 7:30 AM, 45 minutes before our first class EVER, one of our supervisors, Pi Thong asked us, if we thought we could give an introduction speech to 800 students. When? In 15 minutes.

Now since none of you know “The Thong”, you should know that a question posed in a ‘do you think you could’ manner means you will be doing whatever she says, no matter how short of notice. So I grabbed a note card and whipped out a 5 minute speech, filled with several thank-you’s, a couple shout outs, and 2 jokes that would be lost in translation.

Goony insisted I speak first, and when I was introduced, to my surprise, the kiddies went nuts. AHHHHHs! and EEEEEs! were mixed with loads of laughter. Was my zipper undone? Did I go to school in nothing but my underwear? Nope, I guess it was because they were shocked that their new American English teacher did not look “American” at all.

Then there was the first class EVER. But first let’s backtrack.

PICS AND GIGGLES.

The day prior to classes, our supervisors gave us a quick school tour and our “teaching materials”. No course books, no lesson plans, just 2 sheets of paper with 5 sentences each, outlining what we need to cover in the next few months. Wonderful. Luckily we were given a heads up in Bangkok that some schools will give you nothing to work with at all. So I smiled and acted with an appropriate amount of interest/thankfulness whilst reading my single sheet of paper.

With our plethora of teaching materials, we prepared the first week’s lessons plans. Greetings, introductions, and a handful of games to gauge their handle on English. Sure, we were a little nervous, but more excited than anything to meet our pupils.

…

As I walked towards my first class, all the kids in other classrooms were smiling and staring at me. Some whispering, some giggling, and some chasing me down the hallway. When I reached the end of the hall, I stepped in my room, where the kids immediately stood up and nearly shouted, “good morning teacher!”

I laughed and said ‘good morning’ back to them, after which we smiled at each other until I realized I had to tell them they could sit down.

Immediately I fell in love. We played loads of games, from simon-says to pictionary to dancing and singing competitions. I laughed all day, as did they, and we’ve been laughing ever since. It’s difficult for me to express how I feel when I’m with the students; it’s certainly an amazing rush.

THAIS RAVE “KOREANS ARE SO HOT RIGHT NOW”.

And classes for Goony went smooth as well. When we had free periods, we made guest appearances in each other’s classes and partook in the gaming action. The first pop-ins were absolutely mind blowing, because when I would step foot in Goony’s classroom, the kids would completely LOSE THEIR MINDS. Both girls and guys would scream at the top of their lungs and freak out until I stopped moving. We discovered that if I sat down next to a student, touched a student, or even gave a lap dance to a student, the decibel level would go through the roof.

It seems that Thais love Koreans and everything Korea. Korean movies. Korean TV shows. Korean music. And apparently, Korean-Americans with Spanish last names. Wherever I go, students are staring at me or following me, and when I smile or wave back, they either runaway giggling or hide behind their books. It’s super cute. I even have groupies who watch me teach. Our supervisors told me that some students ask them “why is Michael so beautiful”. And I’ve had a handful of random Thai adults tell me “you are very handsome.” I know what you’re thinking, it doesn’t make sense to me either.

After my first day as a rock-star, The Thong told me the craze will end after a couple months. A couple months?! I definitely thought this would be old news after the first week. But I’ll gladly stay in this Cinderella stage for as long as possible - it’s like a dozen warm fuzzies each and every day.

FACTS OF THE WEEK:

• I have a secret admirer who consistently leaves notes on my desk, wishing me a happy day. Her name is Miss Flower and I enjoy her grammatical errors.

• Sometimes our classes are so loud (with students screaming and laughing) that other teachers have told the director they cannot teach. The significance of the teachers telling the director is gigantor. Thai teachers fear confronting the director more than death.

• We honestly haven’t given any students a lap dance. But we are corrupting their innocence.

FUN OR NOT SO FUN CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:

• Thais spend millions each year on products to make them more “white”. They buy lotions, soaps, and part of me thinks over the counter drugs to make them pale. It’s funny though, so many Americans spend hours sunbathing or tanning to make themselves darker. Both are pretty silly when you really think about it.

MY DIGITS:

• Thailand is 12 hours ahead of EST (i.e. 8pm EST Saturday = 8am Thailand Sunday) so if you want to make sure you get through to me, it may be best to “schedule” a time via email. If you have any difficulties, let me know, you may need to dial a country code, but I do not know offhand.

My cell: 060731166

• If you want to mail anything out, plan on a month or two shipping time.

Michael Andrew-Kim Rios
Princess Chulabhorn’s College Chiangrai
345 Moo 2. Ban Payangmon
Robwiang, Muang District, Chiangrai 57000
THAILAND

AWKWARD MOMENT OF THE WEEK:

• While in route to the doctor’s office for our mandatory physical, Goony and I were pondering if a physical in Thailand would be the same as the physicals we were used to. The obvious question was if our manberries would be tugged, and while we thought it was more than safe to say “manberries”, The Thong smiled at us and raised her eyebrows in an unforgettable/scarring manner.

And for those who are curious, we didn’t get a standard physical at all; the doctor literally looked at us, and declared we were in good physical condition.

CURRENT MUSIC, READINGS, AND MOVIES:

• (Music) Jamie Cullum. Album – Twenty Something
• (Book) Nick Hornby. Book – High Fidelity
• (Movie) Hillary Duff. Movie – Cinderella Story

ON THE MENU. FOR THE NEXT TASTE:

• Korean Meets Thai Twin.
• The Top 5 Student Nicknames!
• Foreigners Sample Finest Tea in Thailand.
• Bamboozlement in a Sea of Blue.

Taste of Thailand: ISSUE 1!!!

2006-02-26T07:55:00.000Z

TASTE OF THAILAND ISSUE 1 NOV 6 2005
ORIENTATION KICKS OFF WITH PROSTITUTE BANG!

The Thais have a saying, or rather a name they call old, dirty, hornball men. Use your imagination, you know exactly who I’m talking about. The phrase can be roughly translated as “You Old Man Snakehead”, which I find more than appropriate for such characters.

Before I came to Bangkok, I must note, I always defended it against those who saw it as a giant red light district, a sex soiree, a city where inhibitions and morals are lost in a blanket of smog. Now, after spending a week there, I know for a fact this isn’t the case, but it doesn’t help when your first impression of a country goes as follows.

Cab Driver (first person I meet in Thailand): Where you go?
Tired Tourist (me): Mandarin Hotel please.
CD: Ah. OK OK…I treat you very good? You new friend?!
TT: Yes, of course … how lon –
CD: Where you fum?
TT: America, I’ve come to te-
CD: Ah America, bootifu! Bootifu… You want Wa;lsdkjaf?
TT: Sorry, could you repeat that?
CD: You want Wa;lsdkjaf? I bring you.
TT: Oh, um, that’s ok, I’m not very hungry. Thanks though.

(silence, pause, silence)

CD: You want Wa;lsdkjaf? I bring you. Very cheap for friend.
TT: (realizes CD is offering “Woman”) Hahaha, no thanks, the hotel is good. Hotel please.

After 20 minutes of slightly awkward conversation, I arrive at the Mandarin. It’s been a long day. I’m tired and thanks to my new friend, I’m starting to get hungry. I walk through the front doors, and before I can even reach the front desk, I spot a handful of old white men wearing beach shirts courting a handful of young Thai women wearing almost nothing at all.

Slither on fellas. Slither on.

ENGLAND AND AMERICA JOIN FORCES.

Luckily the week quickly took a turn for the better, and Bangkok, as I originally thought, had much more to offer than a few scantily clad Wa;lsdkjafs. As orientation began, I met 27 amazing people from around the US and UK. We went through hours of teacher training and Thai speaking lessons. After dinner, the night was ours, and we definitely made the rounds. Highlights include catching a Thai kickboxing match, roaming the night markets, and getting down on some intense karaoke.

I also met my new teaching partner in crime, Amandeep “Goony” Singh. We’ll both be teaching at Princess Chulabhorn’s College, a boarding school in the city of Chiang Rai (AKA north upcountry Thailand).

Goony’s a pukker chap, from London, with a Masters in Law, and a wicked sense of humor. I have no doubt that we’re going to make a cute couple.

(Goony pictured with a manly sword.)

MEN VIOLATED DURING THAI OIL MASSAGE.

I’ll be the first to admit it. I was out of my element. As soon as I realized the masseuse gave me a see-through paper man-thong, I couldn’t help but feel incredibly silly. I actually asked her if the man-thong was some kind of exfoliating scrub pillow, as it was folded tightly in a square, sealed in plastic. Of course she laughed at me, and then motioned for me to takes my clothes off.

Goony was with me to experience the confusion. We couldn’t see one another, but asked questions through the curtains like “are you naked, man?” and “should we be naked, man?” we heard man-apologies and man-groans and slap after giggle after slap. I myself got a few nipple tweaks and some intense butt rubbings. Goony got several slaps in “inappropriate areas” and 3 offers for “extended services”. No Happy Endings were given.

…

And finally, my apologies for the delay in sending out this update, we should have more regular internet access from now on and consequently more time to make love to our email.

Next week, we put our training to the test. Our classes will begin and our adventure up-north underway.

Exciting times. Exciting times.

FACTS OF THE WEEK:
• Cost of 2 hour Thai Oil massage – $10.
• Every morning, literally hundreds of Thais gather to workout together. From aerobics to tae kwon do to yoga, they do it all.
• If it is at all possible, part of me feels like I’ve been Supersized. I’ve gone from a medium size shirt to an XL, from a 32 waist to an “Ahhh you are very fat” waist, and have landed into a world where I no longer can fit into some urinal stalls.
• Goony and I are making a mini-goal to, from now on, visit more credible massage parlors.

FUN OR NOT SO FUN CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:
• Most Thais do not like to say “no”. What makes it even cuter is that you know when they want to say “no” because they’ll squirm, they’ll wiggle, and they’ll smile nervously and say “ok” or nothing at all. While it is cute, it can sometimes be a tad bit frustrating during business talks, but then I remember Thai’s rarely get angry either
• Rice. For breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Pork. For breakfast lunch and dinner. Of course there are other delicious options, but the rice/pork combo seems to be the bread and butter equivalent of Thai cuisine. Now the food is amazing, but there’s something about hot rice and pork in the morning that doesn’t quite kick my ball.

TOP 5 KARAOKE SONGS OF THE MOMENT:
1. Eagles – Hotel California 3. Spice Girls - Wannabe
2. Beatles - Yellow Submarine 4. Billy Joel - Uptown Girl
5. Weather Girls - It’s Raining Men

TASTE OF BACK HOME:

• For some reason, the masses here love Sylvester Stallone. I heard they may have filmed some of Rambo here? Either way, we’ve found that the Sly frequently has his own section of movies at stores.

ON THE MENU. FOR THE NEXT TASTE:
• American Has Out of Body Experience.
• Brit Baths in Goat Milk.
• Rice, More Rice, and the First Week of School.
• “Conan-Like Battle Cries” Wake up Thai Babies!

2006 New Years Resolutions

2006-01-04T16:42:00.000Z

OKAAAAAAAY!! i gotta post these resolutions to put some pressure on myself to actually fulfill them...here goes...in no order of importance...

Go running in the morning for 30 min at least 3 times a week..then go to skool feelin like Fauja Singh....
Sort out all aspects of my spiritual sphere (severely lacking)...in particular simran (meditation) , seva (selfless work), kirt kamo (hard work) and vand ke shakna (sharing)..pretty much everything...
Hit the gym with more intensity...get totally ripped and MASSIVE!!!!
Become the most feared Muay Thai boxer to have ever graced the ring...
Learn more Thai, and generally educate myself about other cultures and traditions...but maybe not the local food delights!!!
Write a novel...
Become the leader of the "Ladyboy Movement"...we'll take over the world...soon everyone will see the error of their wayz...the dawn of the transsexual age is fast arriving...join the party....and don't forget to bring your wig, short skirt and padded bra....soon we'll all look like them...MWAHAHAHA!!! (evil Magambo laugh...."Magambo kush howa!")...
Stop going to dodgy massage parlours...it always happens!!!..accidently of coarse...
Sharpen up on my footie skills, to a humble Maradona standard, at least...then get picked by Sven to lead the charge to bring the World Cup back home from Germany in the summer....
......
I will always wear clean kasheeras (sikh boxer shorts), "just in case".
Learn how to use a squat toilet...

yours truely,

the goonsta...

2005 in Pictures...Reflections...

2005-12-30T07:00:00.000Z

jan: tragic tsunami....woman mourns a relative killed in the tsunami in cuddalore, tamil nadu...the earthquake occurred just off the coast of indonesia..it was the strongest for 40 years and triggered a series of deadluy waves which fanned across the indian ocean...coastal areas from somalia to sumatra were affected...killing at least 150, 000 people and leaving millions destitute....it was a deeply sad way to start the year...but the uniting of the world in aiding the affected areas showed that the selfless elements of human nature still existed....

feb: ecstatic ellen...britain's ellen macarthur completes her single-handed round-the-world voyage in record-breaking time...27,000-mile voyage in 71 days and under 15 hours...honoured as a dame by the queen...simply amazing and inspiring feat of human willpower and skill....

mar: crazy mike's court case begins...jury acquitted the singer on all counts...friggen weirdo....

apr: the passing of pope john paul II...greatest tide of pilgrims and heads of state in the vatican's history...stupendous scenes and show of emotion...

apr: charles and camilla wed...the wedding brings to a conclusion a relationship between charles and camilla that began when they met at a windsor polo match in 1970, a year before the prince joined the royal navy...diana, princess of wales, famously referred to camilla as one of the contributing factors in the breakdown of her marriage to charles....miss her man, she was tooooo cool...

may: liverpool 3 : 3 ac milan (liv win on penalties)...seriously one of the best nights of my life...so dramatic...so sweet...liverpool back where they belong...ruling europe...watched it at jasjot's house with rasanjit (ardent ac milan fan)..i was about to leave at halftime when we were o - 3 down..gotta a phonecall from hardeep...he reminded it ain't over until the fat singh does bhangra..he was right...rasanjit was gutted..and we were totally elated....

june: soaked glastonbury gets underway...seriously flooding...i've wanted to go for years...any1 up 4 it?.......

july: "are you ready to start a revolution?"..madonna at live 8 (hyde park)...joined on stage by 24-year-old Birhan Woldu...one of the starving children featured in the original Live Aid concert who was helped thanks to money raised 20 years ago...i was at the glasgow live 8 concert...it was amazin...very very postive...

july: the positveness is curtailed by the news filtering through the following morning...four explosions ripped across central london on thursday 7 july...fifty-six people including the four bombers were killed in the blasts and 700 were injured...one of the sad incidents which branched off from these bombings was the police shooting of an illegal brazilian worker...running into a tube station...wrongly suspected of being a suicide bomber...i still rememeber watching a documentary on how a very small number of british - muslims stated how they owed their alliegances else where and not to this coutry..the country that gave them the right to free speech to say such things in the first place...the kind of free speech which they won't find in some islamic states....if your alliegance is elsewhere then F@#K OFF!!!!!

july: 2012 olympics in the bag...unlikely victory over paris...apparently we should have been facing (and would have lost against) madrid in the final had it not been for a voting mistake by one of the olympic committe members...haha...lord coe had vowed to "give his liver" for the cause...as a jubilant sir steve redgrave said after the vote... "it was even more satisfying than beating the germans at football - in a penalty shoot-out"...just about mate...

sept: the ripping up of houses and nature...an estimated 80% of new orleans underwater..the anguish and anger...the total loss of law and order, widespread looting and violence...the horrific conditions inside the city's superdrome where people sought refuge, without adequate sanitation and numerous reports of rape and muggings...perhaps the worst of human nature was exemplified here...the minimal support shown by central government...........in short, hurricane katrina....

oct: hundreds die in south asia quake...the 7.6-magnitude quake with the epicentre 80km (50 miles) north-east of islamabad...killed thousands and affected pakistan, afghanistan and india...mother nature tells us whose boss, again...

nov: french riots...shocked to read about this in the bangkok post...shades of a civil war...the poor suburbs of paris were set ablaze in the worst of eight consecutive nights of rioting, with 500 cars torched and a gym and primary school razed... the wave of unrest spreading to at least 20 provincial towns...interior minister sarkozy's hard-line stance - he has spoken of "hosing down" the "scum" (thought to be directed at immigrant youths and the youth of crime ridden neighbourhoods) - fanned the flames of protest...what a fool...

nov: passing away of a footballing legend and inspiration...george best..i used to watch the man utd old footage in awe...perhaps the best pointer to where george best sits among the footballing gods comes from the man generally reckoned to be the best...pele himself once dubbed best "the greatest footballer in the world"...its close...maybe not pele...but i think you can totally mention bestie in the same breath as maradonna and cruyff...

dec: former iraqi president saddam hussein and his former intelligence chief barzan ibrahim al-tikriti berate the court during their trial in baghdad...it resumed...only to be disrupted almost at once when the defence team walked out of court in a protest over the legitimacy of the tribunal and the security of lawyers...a total farce...

dec: london oil blaze... sooooooo big....satellite imaging showed an immense column of smoke pouring out of the buncefield depot...stretching for more that 70 miles across southern England and heading for France...premises nearby industrial estates had been "peeled open" by the force of the blast...shocked when i heard about this from a random british hippie i met in a house party in chaing mai...police interviewed a tanker driver who feared he sparked it all off...wouldn't wanna be him man!...

Phu Chi Fa: A Weekend of Randy Ladyboys, Stunning Views and River Boat Cruises...

2005-12-27T05:50:00.000Z

Somo...she's half Thai and half Dutch..and very very cool!!

With Somo's mum.. just before we left school...me lookin pregnant...

A rocker at the "Madam Country Pub"..they were pretty good..until the dude started singing!!

Mike having fun with the horniest homosexual dude I have ever met (I've met a few..nudge nudge..wink wink)..and a giant ladyboy I still see in my nightmares..

John and the Fon(z)..already drunk...but holding themselves together pretty well...

yep....that's a big big mouth..good for only one thing....(u lot are disgusting!!!!!!)

The serial ass grinder!!..if your ever in Chang Khong watch out..I've put her pic up as a warning and for all those that don't want their ass grinded to dust....

Somo's mother..about to cook me some tasty fried rice..mmmm...

Nungutt..aka..the Omen, the spawn of satan...a possible contender for the "Anti-Christ" position!!

Acting normal with grandma...look close..u can see the evil in his eyes..the "666" stamp next to his right ear....

We finally reach Phu Chi Fa..everyones happy...Somo's mum thinks she's my Lois Lane...Grrrrr..

Me....taking a picture of Mike...who is also taking a picture...(just state the obvious why don't you!!!)

The uni massive camped in early..crafty buggers..the clever ones are lower down the slope..so there was less chance of slipping, falling and dying.....

Nungnutt practicing an ancient Celt dance to summon the red, two-horned one, from below..

John joins Nungnutt's evil plans to take over the world and bring in a reign of anarchy..he is promised a tan in return....

Somo's mother just loves cooking...everything...everywhere!!!..move over little lady, let the punjaban show u how to make some loaded and steaming poronthea! (indian pan cakes!)

The camping crew...around the camp fire...the candle.....

the boyz....John being blinded by the campfire smoke....

"Jom Yuhyt",,,with guitar..hawaiian shirt..and bad vocals.....

4.30 am....waiting with hundreds of other people to see the sun strut its stuff..

Fon, Nungnutt and auntie find the funny side of waking up at a crazy hour and then walkin a dangerous route in the pitch black...great fun (it was actually!!!)

come on baby...don't be shy..

thats it...pappa's waiting....

come on now..everybody's waiting....

opening one of your eyes...

RISE AND SHINE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!

...........!!!!!!!!

three amigos....

twisted boyz......

the fon(z)...

"Nungnutt...you were adopted..."...the reaction says it all...he knows..im on to him...the exorcist baby!!!!!

Just in case we didn't know..we're standing on Phu Chi Fa.....

the adventurers!!!!

Everybody stands..transfixed by the beauty around them...

Islands surrounded by a fluffy sea...

the goonster....one jump from death (its actually quite tempting..how would it feel if i jumped..do u eva get that feelin when ure standing waiting for a train..jus wantin to jump onto the tracks....no??!!! okaaaaaay..i'm weird....)

Mike and John...Mike puts on a brave face after just dropping his favourite pair of glasses..

Mike challenging death in his quest to retrieve his beloved glasses...

.........!!!!!!!!!!!

it looks different in the light...i almost slipped and died walking up this trail in complete darkness just a few hours previously....

John and Mike "bumming" each other.....

the boyz keepin things bright!!

I was soooooo close to jumping into the waters..swimming...climbing the waterfall rock..dancing.....all naked....

Somo's uncle and I..he drove us to Phu Chi Fa..and almost drove us off the cliff on 4 seperate occassions....

the fon(z)....she was toooooo cool, and very very childish...i loved it man!!!

check out the scenery behind the fon(z)...

Taking a picture of Fon...whose taking a picture of us....

and here we are!!!!!!

.....!!!!!!

nearest we've got to Laos....i'm planning to take the place by storm next month..

shooting downing imaginary Manchester United fans....

will some one PLEASE pimp my ride!!!!!!!

lookin around for sexy pebbles...

Mike hoping to break some world records....

......!!!!!!

the explorers!!!!!

At a cafe late in the evening.....Nungnutt reflecting on what I had told him earlier.."so thats why i don't look like her!!!"

Everyone's knackered..except Somo...don't worry... we'll see how bright she feels after i give her extra homework.....

OMG!!!!! This was probably my best weekend in Thailand to date..it had everything!!!! A barrel of laughs, a warm Thai family, adventure and beautiful and untainted views of the best Mother Earth has to offer!! We were invited this week by Somo's family to spend the weekend with them in Cheang Khong in northern Thailand..its a small, quaint town where everyone knows each other and it is located in the middle of the most awesome scenic settings...surrounded by mountains, rivers, waterfalls, green lush fields and trillions upon trillions of sunflowers!!!! This was the first time that John joined us on a weekend outside of Chiang Rai..and quite frankly he couldn't wait to get out!!!! Neither could I!! The promise of waterfalls, mountain camping and river cruising made my mouth water!!!

After a 2 hour drive up country, we finally arrived..It was pleasant surprise to find out that Somo's mother owned a restaurant and that was herself the head chef!!! mmm....I was already day-dreamin of delicious Thai fried rice...At home we were introduced to Somo's family...her mother...her sister Fon..her nephew (son of Fon) Nungnutt...her little cousin Mamioo..in short her family was a bunch of the most crazy, yet warm, people I've had the pleasure to meet!! The whole week I couldn't distinguish who was more childish..Fon (27), Nungnutt (8) or Mamioo (8)..they would be alway playing games and jokes on each other....I joined the gang...Goony (23) was acting more kidish then the lot!!! That side of me had been wanting to burst out for ages...when you can make silly noises, run around like a headless chicken, swing kidz around without them screaming "MOM...THIS STRANGE MAN IS TOUCHING ME!!"...(nightmare!)..

On the first night Fon took us out to "Madam Country Pub" the local hangout for the trendy kidz and rockers of the town...and also (what she forgot to mention) horny homosexuals, giant ladyboys and drunkards barely able to stand but wanting to get into a fight with absoloutely everyone...the place was dimly lit..a very dangerous situation for the three amigos...as we walked to the back, our asses were slapped and nipples tweaked..by who??...we'll neva know..strange but true..i think that club is huanted by ladyboys of yesteryear..their souls waiting to be freed by the man that would come..the man with the big S on his chest and a flowing beard..I had arrived..OKAAAAAY!! (i'm sorry,,,i usually start daydreamin like this around about this time....siesta baby!!)

You must realise that I have nothing against homosexuals, lesbians, transsexuals, Manchester United fans (wait a minute..ok then!)..I have many friends of such persuasion and even completed a study on "Sexuality, Gender and Human Rights" for my Masters of Law!!! Sikhism reminds me that the same light is within all beings..but when that being trys to grind me then thats a different matter!!! When Mike, John and I hit the small dancefloor we were approached by many friendly locals...friendly in the sense they were trying to shag us!!!! 3 in particular stood out..a huge ladyboy who kepy rubbing my back, a gay dude who kept trying to dance with me and, when he did so, put his hands all over my chest and followed my body down and "accidently" touched my crotch!!! I was like "Woah!!!". And lastly a midget gyal that kept trying to grind me...GRIND ME!!! complete role reversal!!!! funny thing is she would grind and the turn around and grind my ass with...her ass...I was like WTF!!!! I'm pleased to say that I was not the only person afforded this special treatment...Mike in particular got physically violated by the gay dude and John was grinded to near death by the midget gyal...then the shit really hit the fan...a drunk guy was about to swing at me, as i bumped into him with my powerful hip movements, but almost fell himself in the process...and then....then.....the gay dude eyed me up, tweaked my left nipple and whispered in my ear "do u drink" (no)..."u dance good" (thanks) ... "u are built for sex" (OKAAAAY!!..LETS GET THE F*@K OUT OF HERE BOYS!!!!!!!!)...and so ended my night at the "Madam Country Pub"......thank the Lord......

The next morning, after a ganders around the town's food market, more mischief with Nungnutt, Mike's new haircut and John stepping on dog poop and then spreading it all over the guest room floor, we hit the road...we were off to Phu Chi Fa...the fabled mountain (that's not its definition..just sounds good..!) ..the truck held the goonster, Mike, John, Fon, Somo, Somo's mother, Nungnutt, Mamioo, Somo's uncle and aunt...two tents and enough food to feed a small army...

After a journey spent sleeping, reading the "Life of Pi", almost swerving off the narrow mountain roads and singing old skool Lionel Richie songs we finally arrived...many people had already set up their tents...we found a spot between two groups of uni students singing (badly) around their respective fires. After we had set up tent (i say "we"...but in reality Mike, John and I were chillin like a trio of lazy bastards..) we made a fire (the same description of "we" is extended here) and we made food (yep, once again, we done shit all)...Somo's mother roasted some beautifully juicy pieces of meat...I tucked into my usual peanut butter and jam sandwich..of which Nungnutt had half...I was starving and ready to eat grass...fortunately Somo's mom made me some veg food...it was nasty..starving was a betta option...

After I had munched the nastiness, Mike had munched everything and John's eyes had been munched by the fire's smoke, we decided that we would not go to sleep early like the rest of our fellow adventurers but instead meet some uni kidz.....OH BOY!!!...we hit three groups of campers...

The first group were totally pissed out of their heads!! they kept singing american classics such as "hotel california" very very badly...after they had inquired where we were from wot the hell we were doin here we sang random thai songs (I hummed) around a campfire long into the night...the guitar skills were provided by a dude callin himself "Jom Yuht" (a title to a very popular Thai song)...he was very drunk and busted one of the strings on his guitar...it was all good, he actually played better therafter....they kept trying to force us to drink this dodgy lookin whisky out of a unlabelled bottle..after Mike had chirpsed and taken down some numbers from the amused lookin thai uni gyals we thought it was time to make a move...

The second bunch were a bit boring..we only sang one song with them...I think it was "Uptown Girl"...we exchanged pleasantries and moved on...

The third gang was the wildest...they saw us from afar and had probably smelt our foreign blood..we thought "WOAH!!!!!"...there were like 15 gyals and only 2 guys!!!!...I could see the boys lickin their lips already....problem....half the 15 gyals were ladyboys..it was too late, we were already sat in the circle of ladyboys wearing tight jeans and padded bras...but they were so welcoming..we played many games, most of them pointless and confusing but totally laugh inducing nevertheless..they included dancing games around the fire where we had to copy these two ladyboyz and their scandalous moves!!..after much pelvic thrusting, hip twisting and booty dipping we took group pictures (where luck would have it that i was right at the front..campfire infront of me..every time I screamed "MY BALLS ARE ROASTING!!" they laughed...i don't think they realised that i was friggen gettin barbecued man!!...barbecued meat balls dude!!)...and after some small chat we left to catch 40 winks before we were to be awoken at 4am to trekk to the summit...

That night Mike, John and I got quite intimate...3 of us slept in a tent meant to accomodate 2 Thai guys (who are pretty small anyway)...we were lying tight, right next to each other...ass rubbing ass, crotch rubbing ass, tossing and turning, moaning... as the condensation built up inside, the temperature became freezing outside and the uni students either side of us kept singing (awfully)...we tried to sleep the best we could...

After absoloutely no sleep we awoke at 4am, packed the tent and other equipment, left them inside the truck and started the walk up the mountain..in complete darkness...John pretty much cursed all the way up, all it took was one slip and bones would snap..the group were walkin soooo slow so I decided to go solo and after much tricky terrain I finally reached the summit..along with hundreds of others..after making friends with random American and Japanese tourists we waited together, holding our breath, for the sunrise...it took its time...but it was mind-blowingly beautiful and worth the wait..it was like lookin down from heaven..the clouds below us looked like a fluffy sea and the mountain peaks looked like neighbouring islands...I will never forget that moment..for the rest of my life...I was so lucky...it was like God was lookin down on our flabbergasted reaction, smiling and laughing to himself..whispering in each and everyone of our ears..."whose the daddy"...

After much picture taking and a few dangerous moments (Mike about to fall down the mountain whilst trying to find his glasses, which he had just dropped off a cliff) we got back into the truck and headed back to Chang Khong...stopping off to view a couple of waterfalls....after resting we headed off for a river cruise...after more stunning scenery and the closest we've been to Laos to date, we anchored off a deserted little island where we looked for perfect pebbles to "water skip" with (i forget its proper name...u know, when you launch a pebble onto the water's surface, seeing how many times it will skip downstream)...I looked at everyone having so much fun in such a simple fashion....I felt so content..i could have lived on this secluded island forever...writing love poems..(okay, that was tooo gay!!)

We spent the night chillinwith Somo's family and friends from around town, everyone was so cool....an amazing weekend was capped with Somo's mother telling us Thai folk tales around the family dining table....I didn't want to leave Chang Khong...ever...the kindness of the people and the wonderous scenery was out of this world...

Merry Christmas Biatches!!!!!

2005-12-27T00:47:00.000Z

John, Skeeter (Japanese friend who has just joined the gang!!!), Mike and I at Chaing Rai Central Church on Christmas Eve....

Hey Everyone!!!! Just wanna say I hope you've all had an amazing Christmas!!! This has been my most surreal Christmas to date....details and pics will be posted shortly, lets just say that attempting to sing Christmas carols in Thai is a big no no for goony now...I hope everyone got what they wanted and best wishes for the New Year!!!!!! "Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock...." ..... Wohoooooooooooooo!!!!!

Paintings From The White Temple...

2005-12-25T13:22:00.000Z

The White Temple again..I can't get enough of this place..its absoloutely glorious..

........!!!!!!

......!!!!

.......!!!!!

The Hindu God..Ganesha...

.......!!!!!!

(I'm gonna be havin some nightmares tonight!!!!!...freaky picture man!!!...)

The above paintings are from the gallery in the White Temple complex.....many of them just left me absoloutely speechless.....!!!!!....it made me realise how I hardly knew anything about Buddhism..I done some research..and have provided buddhism in a nutshell...

...The teachings of the Buddha revolves around the central tenant known as the "Four Noble Truths". The Four Noble Truths form the central foundation of Buddhism. So, what are the Four Noble Truths?

The First Noble Truth states that "Life is Dukka". "Dukka" is very often translated as "sufferings", but I feel it's a very inadequate translation. A much better translation is "Unsatisfactoriness". Basically, the First Noble Truth states that life is unsatisfactory and imperfect. How so? All of us are subject to pain and sufferings. All of us cannot avoid disease, old age and death. We are subject to impermanence and uncertainty. Very often, we have to associate with things that are unpleasant and disassociate with things that are pleasant. All these are unsatisfactory.

The Second Noble Truth explores the source of unsatisfactoriness. Why is it that our lives are unsatisfactory? The answer is within us. Our lives are unsatisfactory because of "Tanha" and "Avija". "Tanha" is very often translated as "Cravings", but a much better translation should be "Thirst". "Avija" means "Ignorance".
What is "thirst"? Thirst is our natural tendency to clinging on to the pleasant and be aversed to the unpleasant. Most of us spend most of our lives chasing after and clinging on to things that satisfy our desires, egos, lusts, etc, and trying to run away from things we find painful, unpleasant etc. All these come under the umbrella of "Thirst".
What is "Ignorance"? Not to know that all conditioned things are impermanent is "ignorance". Not to know that all conditioned things are unsatisfactory is "ignorance". Not to know that all things are "without essence of self" is "ignorance". And not to know the Four Noble Truths is "ignorance". (The "ignorance" part is a little profound, I admit).
Is there a way to overcome "thirst" and "ignorance" then?

That's the question the 3rd Noble Truth answers. The 3rd Noble Truth says, yes, there is a way. There is a way to overcome "thirst" and "ignorance". When that is done, one becomes calm and blissful. There is no more sufferings. There is no more unsatisfactoriness in life. That state of being is called "Nirvana". Cool. But how do you overcome "thirst" and "ignorance" then? That's where the 4th Noble Truth comes in.

The 4th Noble Truth is a package of self-cultivation that enables the practitioner to attain the goal of "Nirvana". There are 8 parts in this package of self-cultivation. That's why it's also called the "Eight-fold Path". The 8 parts are: Perfect Thougths, Perfect Actions, Perfect Speech, Perfect Livelihood, Perfect Effort, Perfect Mindfulness, Perfect Concentration, and Perfect Understanding.
The 8-fold path can be grouped into 3 groups. The first is "Morality". The idea here is to live a life where one tries to constantly practice kindness and love, and to live life such that one's conscience is clear. That comes from our practice of Perfect Thougths, Perfect Actions, Perfect Speech and Perfect Livelihood. Basically, we live life to the best that we can.
The 2nd group is "Concentration". With a clear conscience cultivated with "morality", we cultivate our minds so that it'll be calm, peaceful and concentrated. This comes from our practice of Perfect Effort and Perfect Concentration.
The 3rd group is "Insight". With a very strong, calm, concentrated and peaceful mind, we learn to work with ourselves, to gain insight into ourselves, to eventually overcome all our problems and all the unsatisfactoriness in our lives. This comes from our practice of Perfect Mindfulness and Perfect Understanding.

In a nutshell, the above is Buddhism. Basically, we see the Buddha as a doctor here to solve a problem: unsatisfactoriness. In ancient Indian culture, the doctor performs 4 steps: he identifies and acknowledges the problem, finds the source of the problem, state that there is a cure, and prescribes the cure. The 4 Noble Truths can be seen as such an exercise. The 1st Noble Truth acknowledges that the problem of Dukka exists. The 2nd finds the source. The 3rd states that a solution is possible. And the 4th prescribes the solution.

THIS IS ALL SIKHEEE MAN!!! (methinks that all these paths start from the same source and end in the same destination..the paths overlap many times spiritually..and only go apart at largely unimportant points where the physical characterisitcs of each religion are prescribed.....the source and destination are the same..all things return from whence they began...

BUGZZZZZZZ!!!!

2005-12-25T13:17:00.000Z

mmm...yummy!

mouth-watering!!!

The crew in the night bazaar..

Carnivore (with a worm trying to wriggle out his mouth) and herbivore....

The brave (or insane!!) trio....

I just saw the clip "Night Bazaar Files: Part 2" and realised you can't really see anything!!! Above are the pics that confirm that reactions of Eve, John and Mike were no over-reaction...now watch the movie below again..and understand why they scream like they do....friggen disgusting man!!!.......

The Revenge of Dumbo....

2005-12-25T12:26:00.000Z

This clip is from the elephant camp at Chiang Mai..watch how an elephant clinically volleys in a goal, and then produces a crazy celebration to match....Enjoy!!!!

PCC Dance Talent: Soldiers dancing!!

2005-12-25T12:23:00.000Z

Scandalous....SOLDIER DANCING ON THE SCHOOL'S SPORTS DAY!!! This is another performance from the opening ceremony at the school's sportsday..they're dressed like "Guile" out of the arcade game "Street - Fighter" (for those of you can remember..he was a gangsta soldier..I loved that game man...hours infront of the computer..well spent...i think not....)...Enjoy!!....

PCC Dance Talent: Aerobics!!!

2005-12-25T12:21:00.002Z

Scandalous.....AEROBICS!!! ....This was from a random bout of aerobics after the morning national anthem ceremony was completed...watch 800 kids dance and yours truely looking very unfit..Enjoy!!..

PCC Dance Talent: Dancing in Red!!!

2005-12-25T12:21:00.001Z

Scandalous....DANCING IN RED AT THE SCHOOL'S SPORTS DAY!!!!! ..This was one of the performances from the opening ceremony of the school's sportsday..these girls were driving the boys wild...dressed in lusty red....Enjoy!!!!

PCC Dance Talent: Pelvic Thrusting!!

2005-12-25T12:21:00.000Z

Scandalous....PELVIC THRUSTING!!! ..We forced the boys in class 2/4 to participate in a dance competition..to the delight of the girls...look out for the pelvic thrusting...i'm sure it scarred some of the observers for life...Enjoy!!!

PCC Dance Talent: Breakdancing!!

2005-12-25T12:17:00.000Z

Scandalous.....BREAKDANCING!!!!!! Watch this guy from class 4/1 bust some crazy breakdance moves...he mucks up..and the class goes wild...

A Visit to Wat Analayo in Phayao..

2005-12-24T16:24:00.000Z

A packed coach...

The boyzzzz....

The gyalzzzz take over....

Everyone goes crazy...

Superman joins the craziness!!!...

And then start pondering....is life just a dream..or a play...whose watching the play...haha??!!....

The awe-inspiring entrance to Wat Analayo....

Giving the kidzz a race up the steps...killed my legs...but i won (obviously)....with a bit of cheating..!! sorry girls!!

Around the "lucky coin table"....

.....!!

Placing the coins in a standing position...for extra luck...

Someone broke their piggy bank...

Sincere praying...very humbling...

A cobra shaded Buddha...

The two hermits..

In deep thought whilst lighting the candles....soooo sincere again..from the heart..I love it!!! sooo much positive energy...

.....!!!

A beautiful view of Phayao from top of the temple...

We visited Wat Analayo with matyum 2 (the level I teach)....although the temple was amazing, I think this trip was more about chillin with these kidz...they were sooo cool and warm...from doing karaoke with them in the coach to racing them up the steps of the temple. They took me everywhere with them, the boundary of teacher and student was destroyed and we were like mates...playing jokes on each other....laughing and exploring..I realised on this day how hard it would be to leave them..tears are expected...they kept buying me sweets and ice-creams...I felt like I was the big kid in avery large family..it felt soo good to release that childish side of me...you know, that side that everyone has....it flourishes in Thailand...and is forcibly forgotten in the west...

The Night Bizzarre Files: Part 2.

2005-12-23T00:32:00.000Z

When I recieved Mike's call to get my ass down to the night bazaar as soon as possible, I thought what could be sooo important that I was required to halt my journey towards the one thing that makes me sweat and pant to orgasmic levels (aka the gym!) ... I found John, Mike and Eve (a local university friend of ours) sitting at a table with plates full of massive water-beetles and worms ...the dare was on..watch the reaction of the trio as they shove the beetles into their mouths and then wash them down with water and worms...thank God I'm vegetarian!!...also, a Dutch couple from the neighbouring table play a starring role...Enjoy ..I think....

Significant Moments in Brief!!

2005-12-21T05:39:00.000Z

Thanksgiving!!... Everyone's lookin excited...must be the whole American experience..and that huge donga of mash potato....mmmm...(well, it was gettin me excited...only bloomin thing i could munch!!)

The student massive tucking in...they kept commin up for more, they must've loved it..or school dinners might actually be as disgusting as local legend states...

Drawing "people in love"...(Artist name: "Beer").

This boy's nickname is "Milk"...he likes to call himself Hereal...??!!!!....He defo wins the drawing game prize...he is soooo damn talented!!! He drew this in 5 min!!!

The first exam I set as a teacher....they probably all hate me now..(if they didn't do so before!!)...

With class 2/3.....the idea for name tags was inspired..from not knowing anyones name I pretty much know every kid's name!

More name tags with class 2/1...and graffitti on the blackboard behind them..YOBS!!!!

The pictures above detail some big moments in the past few weeks. Mike provided a sample of the Amercian spirit with a Thanksgiving dinner for the English club, I provided the songs!! It was cool, I learnt what the whole thing was about (in a nutshell, yesteryear pilgrims settling in America finding themselves in all kinds of problems via a shortage of resources, and are helped out by the native Americans, Thanks were given and remembered....its not just lots of Americans stuffing themselves and continuing their lifestyle of excess!..well I suppose it is!!!)..The kids loved it, and although (Mike told me later) the dinner was far from the authentic thing...the kids never knew the difference..obviously...I munched the mash potato whilst everyone else ravaged the meat!!

One of the games I played with the classes recently was "Draw the World" where I split the class into two and randomly pick a student from each team and put them head to head..their task was to draw whatever subject or place I gave them (i.e. farm, airport, beach etc.)..the best picture won...the last subject was the killer.."people in love"...one class provided two outstanding pictures (above)..and it reminded me again how talented they were.....

This week I set my first exam..on "Directions"..Part A was a listening and writing exercise and Part B was a reading and writing exercise..I had already assessed their speaking in the informal setting of class discussions...they were well prepared and the majority gained very good marks...it reminded me of the time I had to sit these little tests...I never realised how much preparation went into even the smallest of exams (It took me ages, every area had to be covered, and at the same time the exam couldn't be too long, hard or simple!!)...I have soo much more respect for my past teachers now...I'm really really sorry that I made your life hell!!!!

And lastly, I feld kinda emabarresed that the students said my name so lovingly (YEAH RIGHT!!!) and I didn't know all their names....so I introduced name plates..they've worked so well!!! I know almost every child's nickname (their real names are friggen tongue-twisters!!) and I can tell that they really appreciate it..instead of referring to them as "My friend", "Hello ladies" and "How are you lads" I can say "Hey Neung", "Hello Mam, May, Fay and Ying" and "How are you Fiat and Thomas"...

Introducing Ka-John!!

2005-12-19T13:18:00.000Z

John introducing himself at the school's morning National Anthem ceremony!..he's gettin quite animated!! top top man...

The Three Amigos (and a random Thai teacher!)...

Goin crazy with the kidzzzzz!!!!

Back at the white temple with the cool guy (and random Thai tourists flashing cheesy smiles to match our own!) responsible for designing and creating that piece of heaven...

ahhhhhh...Ka-John!! The three of us have been given Thai names by the director: Mike is Mitree (friendship), John is Ka-John (flower) and yours truely is Anan (infinity)...John joined us around three weeks ago....he loves running, reading and the American comedy "Seinfeld"...he's a friend of Mike's and studied in the same University as him in Michigan and they also worked and lived together for a summer in London. He has a witty and an almost "British" sense of humour (evident from his love of "The Office"!) and shares my enthusiasm for physical fitness..he plans to do the Boston Marathon when he gets back to the U.S...I stood and listened in awe as he told me he can switch into the zone and run for hours on end..i start huffing and puffing as soon as I get up a flight of steps!!!...Its like I've known this guy for ages, so easy to get on with....he is a totally cool guy fullstop, we've had sooo many laughs already, he cracks me up man....we're doing really well as a threesome (Grrrrrr!), its been jokes all the way!!...I'm sure the three of us are gonna have a crazy time and make the most of every moment together and individually in this paradise...

The Night Bizarre Files: Part 1.

2005-12-19T13:01:00.000Z

This clip is from one of our first visits to Chiang Rai Night Bazaar. It has a real authentic Thai feel and the people are really really friendly...this fact is exemplified here where a drunk lookin goony (i was bloomin knackered man, and thats a slush puppy in my hand...beezti!) busts out some "saturday night fever" moves, and then toasts with a random drunk local...a really surreal night...enjoy!

Random Aerobics!!!

2005-12-18T14:54:00.000Z

Early morning aerobics..."left foot out, and pretend you're a zombie....smile for the camera!"

"Mr Motivator" leads the way and inspires his fellow teachers to new levels of fitness, proudly sporting the royal red colours of the super- duper Liverpool FC team...

Some kids get distracted by the roaming camera...they're still in detention as I write...hanging upside down from the ceiling in the school dungeon...

Stretching and straining to touch their toes...this is one of those extremely dangerous situations where a small, but deadly, fart could produce an extremely volatile reaction..literally...

Seductive smile....John, Mike and I don't even know her name (she's the school nurse)....but John has named her "P - Sexy"...them guyz have got a crazy crush on her, bordering on infactuation!!(perhaps the whole kinky nurse uniform thing??!)...personally, I think she's a undercover ladyboy..yeah, I've seen your adam's apple mate..you don't fool me...

Finishing the aerobics session with some arm-pit stretching...everyone was gettin pretty sweaty...nasty!!

Now and again we have these random aerobic sessions after the morning national anthem ceremony..which is great if u wanna wake your body up for the forthcoming day...but not if you've just had a icey cold baths which froze your bollocks into a couple of snowballs, a pointless undertaking after you realise that your gonna be sweating like a hippo for 20 minutes...but its great to watch close to 900 kids clocking some aerobic moves and the teachers also joining the fun..everyone, individually and collectively, looks like a complete prat..but its great fun!!!! WOHOOOO!!!!

Crazy Kidzzz!!!!!

2005-12-16T01:13:00.000Z

Thai kids have so much energy!! This is clip is from my classroom when we were playing "samurai, tiger, nagging grandma" (as opposed to "rock, paper, scissors") to energize the kids before my main lesson. I split the class up into two groups and in unison they would act out one of the characters...the samurai slays the tiger, the tiger munches the nagging grandma and she in turn nags the samurai to death. In this class one group does tiger whilst the other does nagging grandma..Watch the reaction of the victors (they go nuts!!)..but concentrate on the reaction of the losers (its like someone just died)...performances of note; 3 ladyboys screaming their lungs out....ENJOY!!

Experiencing the Loy Kratong Festival!!

2005-12-15T17:00:00.000Z

THE KRATONGS...made lovingly by the hands of our students...

A celebration of light...funky pic showing zillions of kratongs in the waters of the school...

With the teaching staff..these guys are some of the safest and most down to earth people in the school...and in Thailand generally...and possibly the world...

Old skool ferris wheel...We're smiling on the outside...but really we were bricking it!!!

Judging the "Miss Chaing Rai" beauty contest...I thought the lady in blue looked rather tasty..she came second to last...and I need to get stronger contact lenses...

Watching the parade go by...simply stunning!

Another float...equally as exquisite....

Finishing the night with a bang!!

A few weeks ago Mike and I celebrated the Thai festival of Loy Kratong with the students, teachers and residents of Chiang Rai. It was a most picturesque celebration; 'Loy' literally means 'to float,' while 'kratong' refers to the lotus-shaped receptacle which can float on the water. Originally, the kratong was made of banana leaves or the layers of the trunk of a banana tree or a spider lily plant. A kratong contains food, betel nuts, flowers, joss sticks, candle and coins.

On that day, thousands of people gather beside the canals and rivers. With kratong in hands, they light the candle, put some coins in the kratong and silently make a wish, and carefully place their kratongs in the water and release them to the current.

Mike and I were provided kratongs by some very nice students of ours, and after we set them in the waters of our small school lake, we watched intently as they drifted away silently, hoping that the candle would not go out. Its flame is said to signify longevity, fulfillment of wishes and release from sins…as well as a romantic night for lovers…needless to say, my flame went out as soon as the kratong left my hands…but it was the nicest lookin one around…that’s gotta count for something!!...

Different legends surround the origins of Loy Kratong. The most popular version is it was an expression of gratitude to the goddess of water 'Phra Mae Kongka' for having extensively used, and sometimes polluted, the water from the rivers and canals. It is also in part a thanksgiving for her bounty in providing water for the livelihood of the people.

Whatever the true origin, the practice of Loy Kratong first began in the ancient kingdom of Sukhothai in the 13th century. A young queen named Nang Noppamas was believed to be the one who made a small boat laden with candles and incense and floated it down the river. The name Nang Noppamas has been associated with Loy Kratong ever since.

We went to Chaing Rai’s official celebrations of the festival with some of the teaching staff. Highlights included sitting in a old skool ferris wheel operated by skinny Thai men pushing each carriage along, playing shifty lookin fair ground games (throwing darts at balloons with baby faces on them!), judging a beauty contest and watching a beautifully assembled parade pass by as fireworks lit the sky…oh well..just another night in Chiang Rai…

Mike Introduces our Beautiful Bathroom!

2005-11-29T17:41:00.000Z

This place is nasty...buckets of cold water, gecko sex in the corner and a toilet without a flush..Mike suggests an alternative form of "flushing"...enjoy...I think!!

The Crew...Thanx for being sooo Cool!!!!

2005-11-29T16:28:00.000Z

Pretending to act "sane"...

...NORMALITY RESTORED!!...These lot are a bunch of crazy nutters!!

I can't think of one person from this group that I didn't get on with...I spoke to everyone, and by the end of the week I was sharing some pretty deep and intense thoughts with a few of these special people. Opening up and being myself was made easy because of the nature of the group; everyone, bar none, had such a warm heart and a wicked sense of humour. They are all beautiful in their own respective ways, and I'm afraid I don't have enough space (and time!!) here to communicate how I feel about each individual...I did share great moments with everyone of them...I'm positively certain that in that week a number of life friendships were created...I might not have spoken to some of you guys regularly after starting at our respective schools...but I just want you to know that I respect everyone of you and think about all of you more often then you would think...in short...I LUV YOU GUYS!!

Chiang Mai: Part of the Gang re-united, Elephants playing Football, Beautiful Waterfalls and visit to the Local Church and Gurdwara!

2005-11-20T23:29:00.000Z

Boys will be boys!!!

THE GANG! Lottie, Davina, Koy, Racheal, Angela and Mike.

Let the show begin!!

About to bend it like Beckham...

The keeper was left stunned by the ferocity of the strike!

The Picassos of the elephant world strut their stuff..

Taking a bow at the end of the performance..

Hungry beasts!

WHOSE THE DADDY!! No...thats not his fifth leg...feeling so inadequate right now!

Adorable!! Cute and shy baby elephant.

Sexy posing by the waterfall??!!...I DON'T THINK SO!!!

At Chiang Mai church.

Chaing Mai's Singh Sabha Gurdwara...after hours of searching for it...nearly brought tears to my eyes!!..I was sooo happy!!

Nishan Sahib flying high and proud!

THE MANJHA!! .. Creature comforts for the resident gyani (Sikh priest)

This week I finally started some "proper" teaching. I'm teaching Matyum 2 (13 year olds) "Directions", whilst Matyum 4 (15 year olds) are getting taught "Entertainment". One of the lessons on entertainment was splitting the class into groups, they had to analyse their respective song scripts for words they didn't understand (I would explain their definitions), then they had to present to the rest of the class what they thought the song meant, and finally, they had to sing the song to a vcd Karaoke. It worked like a treat!! All the songs were about love, friendship and inner beauty (such as Norah Jones "Don't know why I didn't come" and Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful") and the analysis by the groups was awesome!

On the weekend, after a 3 hour bus journey on a pre-historic and rickety bus, we met up with Koy and Racheal (who were teaching up in Chiang Mai) and Lottie and Angela (who flew up from Bangkok) and Davina (who bused it from Lampang). It was so good seeing everyone again!!! We shared our school stories and other adventures at our mini slumber party, it was like we were together only yesterday...

When me and Mike saw Koy and Racheal's house we almost died..as much as our place was nasty, theirs was nice...2 bathrooms, 4 large bedrooms, 2 lounges and a kitchen with a stove, microwave. everything!!..For crying out loud!! Our kitchen contained...dirty dishes, bugs and more bugs...why?......................WHY??!!!!!!

On saturday we went to a nearby elephant camp, where we saw our big-eared friends play football (and score some pretty spectacular goals I must add..some would put my shooting abilities to shame!!) and then paint...yes paint!! Elephants have a certain artistic side to them that I didn't know existed! Further, we saw a baby elephant with his mother (it brought memories of "Dumbo" flooding back...don't deny it, you know you loved that movie!!!) and Lottie tried to kill me after some of my good old English banter back-fired!! We had dinner at a restaurant beside a beautiful waterfall, I climbed to the top of the waterfall and almost slipped and died...but I made it look cool...

After a brief rest we hit Chiang Mai's Night Bazaar...it is absoloutely MASSIVE!! It first appeared several centuries ago as a meeting point for traders when the Lanna Kingdom’s capital was a major stop on the caravan route between southern China and Burmese seaports.
These days it’s mainly a bargain outlet for the famous local handicrafts, along with knockoff and genuine name-brand items. We didn't get out of the first block for 3 hours and, despite my poor financial status, I ended up buying more football tops..yes, I have a problem...

That night I also met an old Sikh lady, I recognised her as such from the iron bangle (a symbol of the Sikhs) around her right wrist. Her name was Poonam and she sold incense sticks. I must have stood there chatting to her for ages, she had so much love in her eyes, and she reminded me of my mother who I missed terribly. After she told me about her family (which consisted of only her and her son "rocky") she started weeping and asked why didn't God bless her? She worked tirelessly night and day so her son could survive and recieve the best eduction her money could provide. She told me she hadn't even been to Chaing Rai..she just worked and survived day to day and worried about the future of her son which she thought was so uncertain..as I faught to hold back my own tears I gave her a gentle hug to comfort her and told her how everything will be cool (The Lord works in mysterious ways!!!!) and how she reminded me of my mother back home..she smiled, and her radiance and love blew me away again.

Poonam aunty told me of the local Sikh Gurdwara and as we parted company I promised I would see her again and her son "Rocky' one day. The next day I was in need of some divine inspiration, the heartache of Poonam had made a massive impact on me...Why does God treat those with such great love so harshly sometimes?..I went to the local Church and Sikh Gurdwara for some answers. I got them, and they will stay with me forever...The congregation at the church was full of love, and the fact I got to see my beloved Guru Granth Sahib Jee (holy Sikh scriptures of the Sikhs, who they regard as the living embodiment of the Sikh religion) at the Gurdwara made me feel so blessed that day, it was a warm and positive feeling I lived on for ages afterwards...

After watching "Crash" (awesome movie!) we ate and said our farewells to the rest of the gang, me and Mike were stuffed at the back of another rickety bus back to Chiang Rai...I sat next a some Thai dude smelling of fish and a motorcycle...great company...

A Week of Love, a Thai Marriage and a Trip to Mai Sai.

2005-11-13T19:56:00.000Z

A student's definition of "love".

A somewhat more logical and numeric defintion of love!

A simple, yet deep, translation of the big L.

Just a part of the giant spider-diagram covering the blackboard. (Click on it to enlarge and read the ideas of the kids!!)

(Once again...click and enlarge it to read these beautifully innocent understandings of pyar).

Crazy class!! I really enjoy teaching this class "2/1", its full of the most talented yet crazy kids!! For instance, its got a kid who will one day become an awesome artist...I'll post his work up soon!

The same goes for this class! "4/1"! Within its talented ranks it contains, for example, some crazy ass break dancers!!

Mike and his twin Vikrom...he's a cool guy who invited us to chill at his house for the weekend..the only thing that lets him down is the fact he's an ardent Man United fan!!! Hope you enjoy their relegation matey!!! haha!

With Vikrom's family at the wedding.

PEACE!!!...(I can't believe I went to a wedding in a bandana...shocking!!)

Vikrom's cool mum!! At a Thai wedding in Chiang Rai...waving a random little present in my face!

The newly weds...don't know who they are, but they were led away after the ceremony to a nearby hut to "sleep"...yeah right!!!....I saw the smile on his face...years of sexual frustration were about to be released...

"someone" loves "someone"...

Mike enjoys a peaceful nap in the middle of the most important event in the lives of two people....nice one mate!!

These random women, wearing next to nothing and with the worst voices ever, attempted to liven up the proceedings....I joined Mike for a power nap....

Authentic Thai wedding dress....and a look on the bride's face telling us she's realised she might have made a mistake!! Whoops!!

One of the highlights of this week was when the students and I shared our ideas on what "Love" meant. Their response blew me away, despite their inexperience of the world and their young age, they had a deeper understanding then I had anticipated. As I read the blackboard, after they had chalked up their feelings, I came across thoughts such as "Love give me power and super strength", "Love is like the Sun, it keep me warm", "Love is chocolate, so sweet", "In Love you share happy time and bad time the same", "Love is 1 + 1 = 1" and "Love make the world go pink"...OKAAAAY!!!

On the weekend we were invited by Mike's twin, Vikrom, to his house in a neighbouring town. We were constantly told by the teachers how rich Vikrom's family was (like we cared!) as his father was a Senator and his mother a pharmacist. His house was massive, but more importantly, his mother was really nice and a very gracious host. On saturday she took us to a Thai marriage, where we saw a tying of a little string around the hands of the happy couple...by everyone at the wedding!! We're talking 1,000 strings here!! I thought it was beautiful...We also witnessed some raunchy wedding entertainment, as the female singers on stage wearing skirts the size of my belt, gave us some thrusting pelvic action. It made me wonder, Thailand is a land where they are so conservative about dating rites etc, yet it contains roaring red light districts and the lady-boy element...oh well...

Afer the wedding we all headed to Mai Sai, a town on the border of Thialand and Myanmar (Burma). The first thing I saw was the incredibly wide main street that runs essentially north-south through the town finishing at the bridge that spans a river and gives access to Burma.The border end of this street is lined by an enormous market. The wares available are many and varied with a very heavy Burmese influence - clothes, gems, you name it they have got it. Despite all this, it didn't have too much to offer, just pleanty of stalls selling fake designer goods. I did purchase some football tops and then we headed back home, to watch the England football team trounce their Argintinian counterparts 3-2...sweeeeeet!!!

A trip to Doi Wawi and a Dodgy Massage...

2005-11-06T23:16:00.000Z

With P-Al, Mike and P-Man at the Chiang Rai Night Bazaar.

A rather adventurous (and dangerous) ride up the mountains.

It was like they were sending us to the front line!

Show Offs!!!!

A arty-farty sot of the mateyom 3 gyals.

Whilst I'm crapping myself about falling out, these gyals pile forward for a kodak moment!

No.....its not weed.....

Ahhhhhhh.....hot green tea.....

Pulling out the sexy moves...with the loud approval of the lady boyz!

Carrying Mike!

Looking at the stars with the kids.....they were sooo cool, and it was such a beautiful and romantic night....

Doi Wawi shortly after sunrise...simply stunning....

Imaginary riding on our balcony...check out the view......

Looking down on the tea and coffee plantations

What are all these kids shouting about?.....

Oh, they're orchestrating a huge human number 10 on the hillside....such a funny sight to behold!

With some of the students at the resort....

With a random cute kid playing at the Chinese school...

A view from the Chinese school......lucky gits!!!!

With the student massive, outside a hilltop Buddhist temple.

A picture of one of the many hill villages we travelled through.

The boyz....munching like beasts!!!!

Getting our feet wet in at a hot spring on the mountain.

These lot had soooo much energy...singing and dancing all the way..very very infectious!

Give me a hug baby!!!

Styling it out with some old skool bhangra moves!!!

The second week was much like the first, getting to know the kids, the teachers and our mosquito friends preying on us at night. We also went out a few times with P-Al and a maths teacher from the school P-Man to local restaurants where we had many a laugh!!

Our lessons were still based around introductions, getting to know each other better and, for some unknown reason, dancing!! These kids love music and dance...and especially love two foreigners making complete twats out of themselves when trying to dance authentic Thai...we did save some face however, Mike busted some Capoeira and Robot moves, whilst I clocked a few Bhangra moves..BALLE BALLE!!!

On the weekend we went to Doi (Mount) Wawi with Matyum 3, and stayed the night on the mountain. After a educational exercise on how special Arabica coffee and high quality Au-Long tea was made in the local tea and coffee plantations, we danced the night away around a campfire with the ladyboys...and boy can they dance!!..I stood watching, mesmorized...I spent the rest of the night with a small group of students looking up at the clearest night sky ever..the stars twinkled so brightly..it was so magical and romantic..

After a few hours sleep we were up again!! To watch the mists rising around the mountains was truely awe-inspiring, such a beautiful sight. After breakfast (which for me, in this meat-loving country, always consist of a omlette or boiled eggs. I've was also describe as a "difficult eater", in regards to my veg diet, by this small teacher...who I can describe as a "very annoying person") we went down to the plantations, I've never seen so much tea in my life!!! Its an aunty's heaven!!

We then visited this Chinese school, which has been described as the best Chinese school in China...even though its in Thailand! CONFUSED?..I definitely am!! The lucky students who attended this school were surrounded by the most divine of landscapes. After a few short stops for snacks, we arrived back at PCC. After being dropped off at our beloved Tourist Inn, me and Mike decided our twisted bodies deserved a massage to straighten them out. We had already recieved one in Bangkok, which was very professional...I should have guessed from the location of the massage parlour we were about to go to (flashing lights, seedy kinda backalley place) that we would be afforded some extra, special treatment. And so, as I was feeling my back being cracked, the masseuse whispered three times in my ear..."Where you live mister"...(nearby guesthouse, why?)...I come with you for night?"...(erm thanks, but no thanks!)...I just had my first proposal for a "happy ending" to the massage....the rumours were true..and I was freaked out!!...

WHAT A WEEEEEEEK!!!

2005-10-29T23:30:00.000+01:00

Getting cosy with the Director...

Speech time..for the students, sleeep time...

Me and Mike lookin sharp...the Director lookin pretty pimp aswell!

Left to Right (upper): The Vice-Director, me, Director, Mike, P-Pie. (lower): P-Si, P-Teo, P-Tong and P-Al.

Playing pictionary with the kids.

I must be doing something right!!...The kids going crazy!!!

Grabbing the attention of the class....mesmorized by "the beard"...

P-Tong, me, Mike and the kids of class 4/2.

Mike and I at the King Mengrai monument.

A plaque detailing the history of the Emerald Buddha...and a chance to flex my biceps...SADO!!

A near replication of the Emerald Buddha.

Cracking jokes with some child monks...you could feel spirituality just oozing from them...

At the White Temple...absoloutely mind-blowing!

Mike and I at the mouth of the bridge leading to the Temple.

The bridge taking you over a depiction of hell...two hands conveniently holding a pot for donations!

Inside the Temple.....WOW!!!!

With the dude who created this masterpiece..dressed up in old-skool Thai clothes..

A picture with the man himself.

Mike enjoying his first haircut in Thialand...he told me later that barbers in Michigan USA have trouble cutting "Asian hair"... he was lovin it here!!!

CRAZZZZZZZY!!! This week has moved so fast its unbelievable, and so much has happened!! Monday began with a introduction ceremony, where Mike and I were given bouqets of flowers, after which we had to give a speech about our selves, our motivations, education and what we hoped to achieve and gain from this experience. It was amazing..reflecting on it afterwards, I just couldn't belive I had spoken to 900 odd people on my first day at school, they pretended they weren't dying of boredom...

As we walked around around school, the students were so so nice!! Always smiling at us shyly, not sure of whether to say hello or not, whispering and giggling as we walked by (either at the similarity between Mike and Vikrom or at my fluffy beard...probably the latter...PARANOIA GOONY!!).

The following week, Mike and I spent most lessons introducing ourselves and answering any questions the studets had about us or our countries of origin...after the run-of-the-mill questions ("what you do in freetime?"..."what you like to eat?"...etc) someone built the courage to ask..."DO YOU HAVE GIRLFRIEND??"..and that was it..the whole bloomin' class erupted; "wooooooooooooooooooooooh", "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"..all we saw were students doing high fives and screaming their lungs out, at this point we almost died laughing (a situation that was repeated many times during the week and will be again, I'm sure, throughout my stay here)..from this day onwards we knew what button to press if wanted the class to go totally crazy..."girlfriend", "boyfriend", "love" and "beautiful"..we're gonna have so much fun over the months ahead!

We also got to saw Vikrom...I think he's Mike's long lost brother or something...some real X-Files shit!!! Also, it soon became apparent that Mike was being lifted to superstar status at the school, it was the whole Korean look that the girls and ladyboys were dying after..as I looked fom afar, I wondered...why couldn't I pull the ladyboys...mmm...

On the weekend we visited King Meng Rai the Great Monument located in the City centre, which honours the monarch who founded Chiang Rai in 1262. . After this we made the short trip to Wat Phra Kaew, the city's most revered Buddhist temple. Legend says that in 1434 lightening struck the temple's original stupa, which fell apart to reveal the Emerald Buddha (actually made of jade). After a long journey, that included a long stopover in Vientiane (Laos), this national talismen is now enclosed in the temple of the same name in Bangkok. In 1990, Chaing Rai commisioned a Chinese artist to sculpt a new image from Canadian jade. Named the Phra Yok Chiang Rai (Chaing Rai Jade Buddha), it was intentionally a very close but not exact replica of the Emerald Buddha in Bangkok, with dimensions of 48.3 cm across the base and 65.9 cm in height, just 0.1 cm shorter than the original. The image is housed in the impressive Haw Phra Kaew, which sits towards the back of the Wat compound.

Still not finished, we went to the Rong Khun Temple or White Temple, which looked like something out of Disneyland at first!! This unique Buddhist temple, still under construction, was designed by a contemporary Thai artist whom we met at the nearby shop dressed in simple and common old-school Thai attire. He is quite wealthy now and is having this shrine built at his own expense. It is made of pure white concrete with bits of glass embedded in it, which makes it quite a sight in the bright sunshine. There was remarkable detail found along the walkway into the temple showing hands reaching up for help from the Buddhist version of Hell. Conveniently, two pairs of hands are holding up pots for donations.

This long day was ended at the Tourist Inn (Highly recommended by moi!) and after a hot shower (I almost forgot what hot water felt like) we sat down on the comfy couch in the lounge to watch some good old English Football action from the premiership on ESPN...aaahhh...soft beds awaited...my standards of luxury had fallen to just wishing for hot showers, soft beds, western food and a mosquito net...I realised how much of a pansy I really was...oh well, who cares...

Sawadees Krap Chaing Rai!!!!

2005-10-23T23:10:00.000+01:00

Hellllllllllo PCC!!!! Looking quite impressive I must say!!!

Before Mike and I were introduced to the teachers...the teachers were like "where are the foreign teachers?...the westerners?..people with white skin??"...they got two guys of asian decent, and were rather confused about the whole affair!!

Mike and I flashing some cheesy smiles!

With the English staff, infront of the English department.

After our goodbyes, Mike, Angela, Ingrid (they were also to be stationed at a school in Chiang Rai) and I were sent to the bus station 4 hours early..THANKS!! After taking in serious amounts of posionous fumes, a 10 hour coach night-journey awaited BRILLIANT!!...we got to Chiang Rai bus station at 8am the following morning, where we were picked up by P-Pie and P-Tong....barely able to stand, we were taken to our "apartment" at the school campus...and oh what shocks laid ahead...beds harder then the floor, hordes of mosquitoes waiting for some sweet farang blood, a toilet that wouldn't flush, a shower that wouldn't work (hence I would start my day with a cold bath every morning...bad news for my testicles!!) and random geckos having sex behind my wardrobe...I HAD ARRIVED!!!!

After a power nap to recharge my batteries, me and Mike went out for lunch with a few of the English teaching staff. Chiang Rai reminded me of my beloved Punjab in Northern India...the happy people, the lovely green fields, the somewhat dusty roads, the quaint houses, the random stray dogs chillin in the middle of the road and the local temples, which were like the Indian Gurdwaras (Sikh place of worship); beautiful and spiritual.

After lunch, we freshened up and met the Director of the school. He came across as a real nice guy with some real charisma..we then introduced ourselves to the teachers. Many of them were sniggering when Mike came to introduce himself, apparently he had a twin named Vikrom in Matyum (level) 3...and they do look freakily alike! After some much needed internet surfing and exploration of the school grounds, we returned to our glamourous abode, not knowing what to expect from the week ahead...our teaching adventure was about to begin!!

Palaces and Goodbyes...

2005-10-22T16:15:00.000+01:00

Anyone gotta a boat??!

...!

Phillip and I getting rather close...GRRR!

Jenna goin camera crazy!

Felt rather left out looking at this picture...i wanna pair of breasts and sunglasses too!!!!

gooooodbye goooony!!!...(now sod off and let us eat!!!..)

Angela and I...at the busy bus station..totally knackered by now!!! (whose finger is that..freaky!)

Saturday saw a trip to Chantharakasem National Museum, based in a palace rebuilt by King Rama IV in 1936. It's design is based on the palace built for King Naresuan by his father in 1577 and it contains a number of pleasant grounds....FORGET ALL THAT MALARKY!!!...that day wasn't about palaces..it was about us spending as much time together as possible..as we travelled back to Bangkok on our gangsta coach, where we would grab our luggage and go our seperate ways to various schools around Thailand, I felt my heart get heavier and a lump in my throat..seperation anxiety (I hate the Bastard!!)...it was time to say bye bye...

Random Funny Pictures from the Previous Week!!!

2005-10-22T16:00:00.000+01:00

Bangkok park: Hundreds of people get up early everyday to do random activities such as Tai Chi...no wonder they look so damn young!! That grandaddy at the front is really 150 years old...

Mike in a bit of trouble!!

Don't be decieved...This frail looking old man could actually snap us in half with his little toe...

Reassuring!!!!!

Me or my money??!...I'm on to you buddy...

Gettin to know "Mr Tuk-Tuk"....

The ladies goin crazy with the sessioning!!!!! Looking jolly!!! Christy, Daniella, Lottie and Angela!

The Grumpy Gardener.

Oh man!! These are toooo funny, Thailand is just one of those places where something funny happens all the time!! You will see random things that will make you smile, laugh, stare in bewilderment or simply walk away with a warm feeling in your heart...

Karaoke Night!!!!

2005-10-21T00:21:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday Toooooooooo You!!! Amanda gets a surprise whilst dining on a boat cruise.

Bowling with the crew..everyone else seems so sane...mmm....

Andrew, Roshan, Mike, Daniella and Ethan...feeling the love baby!!!!

Let the Karaoke begin!!!

The ladies...sounding like Nightingales....NOT!!!!!! Ha ha!!!

Ashley begins warming up with Alex...

Lots of alcohol + Karaoke = Lots of fun & very dodgy singing!!!

Amanda...just letting the emotions take over...

Ralph keeping the British end up..

"Its Raining Men...Halleluya!!!"...I'm not even joking, that was what I was singing..just look at the passion on my face whilst I get some coaching from Angela!

"The toilet's thatta way!"...Lottie and Mike looking cheerful!

Mike with a rather fetching tiara on his head...the ladyboy influences starting to infiltrate the gang...

Andew with the ladyz!!

I came second in the "tongue competition"...well, its about how you use it, as they say....

Friday night was the last night together for the gang...seems just like yesterday, and boy did we go out with a bang!! After some nutty bowling (there was some violent throwing that night!) we hit the hotel's Karaoke bar...for the following five hours we sung our hearts out and our lungs dry...it was a magical night I will never forget, a crowning moment on what had been an incredible week...it seemed like we had known each other for years...

In Ayuthaya, the Ancient Capital of Thailand.

2005-10-20T01:31:00.000+01:00

mmm...fish food....tasty...want if for myself....sod the fish!!!!

Feeding the fish...and boy there were some mutant fish in those waters, 3 eyes and everything!!..I swear!

Andrew, Mike and Lottie giving Angela a piggy back ride...me next!!!

Andrew and I..trying to act all macho; "Last Samurai", "Braveheart" and all that bizness....

Slicing and Dicing!!!...Looking dangerous for once in my life!!!

Gangsta monk..look at those tatts man!! This guy must have been ex-Hell's Angel or something! (Why's he looking at me as if he's gonna kill me!!!...RUUUNN!!)

At the temple, nice to see the Buddha is smiling down on us...

Whose the Daddy!!

...

Staring in wonder...

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "B".....beautiful Buddha...

A different world...must of looked amazing in all its grandeur...

YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAA!!!!

Wat Yai Chaya Mongkol..aka The Great Temple of Auspicious Victory...this name is derived from the Chedi built to commemorate the renowned victory of King Naresuan the Great over the massive Burmese invasion in 1593...a place of many important historical events, it was the seat of the Buddhist patriarchs and monks of the foreign tradition (Aranyavasi School) which was noted for the practice of meditation and insight.

Lottie and Amanda standing infront of some impressive ruins...

I SAY!! THAT LOOKS RATHER PHALLIC!!!

On thursday we travelled to Ayuthyaya, Thialand's ancient capital, where we would stay for the next two nights. During this period we visited Ayuthyaya's famous ruins. It was like being in a different world, surrounded by this place steeped in history, I wondered how it must have looked all those hundreds of years ago when it was a major political, social and economic centre in South East Asia. The city was named after Ayodhya (Sanskrit for "undefeatable") the home of Rama in the Indian epic Ramyana and its full name is Phra Nakhon Si Ayuthaya (Sacred City of Ayodhya). Historical temples are scattered throughout this once magnificent city and along the encircling rivers.

I'll remember this day because of the gang of monks that ran towards me and grabbed my hand...to take a picture of me...I can see them now, chilling with monk mates telling them they had bumped into that famous man from Afghanistan...TOSSERS!!

A night of Co-ordinators, Theatre and more Irish Pubs...

2005-10-19T01:03:00.000+01:00

A nervous Aman meets his school co-ordinators for the first time...

...still nervous...

...nervousness dispelled!! They're such a cool bunch!! And they have such great English!...and I still have such bad Thai!! Wohoooo! Thats Mike, P-Pie, P-Al, moi, and P-Tong.

At the theatre/restaurant watching a Thai adaptation of the Indian epic Ramayana.

Note the funky hand movements...you've just witnessed authentic Thai dancing...

Randy demon dude tries to ravage fair maiden..she's not really putting up a fight!

Munchies at the theatre...On the left next to Mike sits my wee scottish lass Angela and Ingrid.

This was from the night before at the Irish Pub...once again I had the feeling I was gonna be the only sober person left on the table..oh well!!...With Lottie, Christy and Ashley...

Same old culprits!! Boy do these gyals know how to have a good time!! This time Donna and Jill join the party!!

Amanda and Daniella with those gleaming smiles!

Partners in Crime!!

In the tuk - tuk with the ladies: I don't know how we all fit in there...things got pretty tight..GRRR!!

What a hectic day!!! After another fun filled day in the seminar room, we met our respective school co-ordinators in the afternoon..I had to make a good impression, but 30 minutes before I was to meet them I was looking like some kind of Indian hippy!! Quickly slicked up and pulled out the magical goony charm.

Afterwards we all made our way to a restaurant/theatre to watch an authentic Thai play. It gave us a chance to chill out with our co-ordinators more informally. The costume of the actors were extremely colourful and their dance routines were very intricate. Mike told me later that he found some of the characters pretty freaky...maybe thats why he screams in the middle of the night..mmm..

Our night had only begun! After the dinner and bidding our co-ordinators farewell, we all headed out to Bangkok's famous Ko San road. Boy that place is happenin!! And guess what?? we hit another Irish pub, this time Gullivers where, whilst watching football with lottie I found out she was an Everton fan, consequently making her my sworn mortal enemy (its all about the red half of Liverpool baby!)..the banter continues to this day! Then me, Daniella, Roshan, Lottie and the rest of the crew hit the dancefloor. Roshan in particular busted some gangsta moves, that girl definitely knows how to dance!! We grooved the night away...to tunes such as "Ghostbusters"...oh man, so cool (or not!).."who you gonna call?..GHOSTBUSTERS!!"...

Drinking Games Anyone?!!

2005-10-18T02:30:00.001+01:00

Lookin hot!!!: Amanda, Alex, Daniella, Ashley and Christy.

Stuffing my face! With Angela, Alex, Roshan and Mike! mmm..theres nothing quite like some pub nosh!!

The Irish Pub...I thought I came to Thailand to get away from all this western civilisation bizness!!

Happy Dayz!! Everyone smiling, whilst Andrew plays eye candy with the camera...

Once again I had the feeling I was gonna be the only sober person left on the table...oh well!!...With Lottie, Christy and Ashley...

Dazzling Taylor!!

Jenna and Corrine...they're so damn cool, down to earth and have a crazy sense of humour!!.. I miss you guys!!

LET THE DRINKING GAMES BEGIN!!

Sexy sirens...otherwise known as Daniella, Roshan and Lottie!

Roshan looking gorgeous as always!

Christy flashing her karaoke skills!..The Thai dude on the right is transfixed by her beautiful voice...or he's just perving...

Andrew next to a line of Thai prostitutes dressed up in bridal attire...sweet!

A thai boxing match, my money was on the guy in blue...he got knocked out...

This was a crazy night!! First of all, despite being in Thailand, a zillion miles away from the U.K., the gang still ended up in a Irish Pub! Far from the local Thai delights , I was eating good ol' chips and veg pie! Then it was time for some drinking games! I will probably never forget this night for the rest of my life...for two reasons...I was the only sober person on the table and secondly, the stuff we found out about each other that night...it stays in that dimly-lit Irish pub room..lets just say that we were no longer strangers to one another! The gang then split, some went back to our posh hotel, other went to a Karaoke bar/brothel, and the rest of us went to see random muay-thai matches!

Muay Thai Match!

2005-10-18T02:30:00.000+01:00

Here are two guys shinning each other to death, aka muay thai fighting. Watch how the guy in blue gets sent flying half way through...recorded in a dodgy looking club in the backalleys of Bangkok...enjoy!

A Visit to Wat Phra Kaew...aka The Temple of the Emerald Buddha.

2005-10-17T00:44:00.000+01:00

With the tour guide..notice how we're all wearing the same t-shirts....a total loss of individuality!

With the ladies!! With Jenna, Corrine, Amanda, Racheal and Koy. We're standing infront of extensive murals of the Ramakian (the Thai version of the Indian epic Ramayana).

Amanda and Sarah outside the Temple compound.

Donna blessing Jennifer.

Corrine, Jenna and Taylor performing an ancient cultic dance...

Mythical giants (yaksha) guard the Temple of the Emerald Buddha.

Ethan resting those long legs!

Roshan!! Looking cool with the sunglasses!

Stunning! The Emerald Buddha Temple.

Cheesy smile!

Daniella!!..Anybody got some gold spray?!...

Mike joining forces with the Yaksha in performing a security role for the Emerald Buddha!

Another shot of the beautiful Temple.

Great detail on the mosaic-encrusted pillars.

With Andrew and Mike, getting blessed outside the Emerald Buddha Temple.

Making friends in Thailand...thats "Mike" standing with me. When I tried to tell him in Thai that I already have an umbrella, he looked at me in a puzzled manner and told me in English that my Thai was rubbish...great confidence builder!

This place was truely a wonder!! Gleaming stupas seemingly buoyed above the ground, with polished orange-and-green roof tiles piercing the humid sky, mosaic-encrusted pillars and rich marble pediments. The Emerald Buddha sat atop an elevated alter, barely visible amid the gilded decorations. The dimunative figure is always cloaked in royal robes, one for each season (hot, cool and rainy) changed in a solemn ceremony by the King himself.

Bangkok By Night!

2005-10-16T02:20:00.000+01:00

Bangkok at night: A sea of flashing lights and dirty old western men with young (sad-looking) Thai women...

Out on the Pull!! From left to right: Jenna, me, Andrew, Taylor and Ethan.

First Night Out In Bangkok!

2005-10-16T02:00:00.000+01:00

Oh what a night! Nothing really spectacular happened, apart from bumping into numerous touts advertising "pingpong" shows (way too naughty to decribe here!). I also saw Thai lady-boys for the first time...and some of them were soooo good looking, you just can't tell...mmm...What was great about this night was simply my first interactions with the ordinary Thai person, usually trying to sell me products at grossly inflated prices!! Although those Gucci watches did look tempting!...now where was that stall again?...

Meeting the Gang!

2005-10-16T01:05:00.000+01:00

An early-morning view of Bangkok from our hotel window... a tasty cocktail of pollution and heat..but fascinating nevertheless...notice the random temple in the middle of this urban jungle..

Andrew and I...its all about the beards baby!!! Before (not having shaved for weeks) and after (not having shaved for 6 years!) pics!! wohoooo! haha!

"The Dungeon of Destiny"... (aka the comfy seminar room!)

From left to right: Santhenee, Racheal, the ever-radiant Anne, Koy, Tiffany and my bro Mike!

The next morning, Andrew and I hastily got dressed..we were the last ones to breakfast (what was to be a common theme for the rest of the week!). As we looked around we saw many young foreigners, everyone seemed to have made friends real quick!! As I tucked into my fresh watermellon, I thought to myself "Damn, I hope I get along with everybody!"...it was like being back at my first day of secondary school!

As I took my place at the front of the seminar room (great!) any doubts were fast dispelled, I was sitting amongst a group of the most warm-hearted, seriously funny and intelligent people you could find..what the hell was I doing there!! haha! Along with these crazy kids I had the pleasure of being taught throughout the week by a number of down to earth and inspirational teachers, such as Anne. She taught gave us a crash course in the Thai language, although concentrating in her lessons was extremely difficult, due to the effects of being mesmorized by her radiant smile and positive aura. I also got the chance to meet Mike, we will be working and living together at the Princess Chulabhorns College in Chiang Rai, Northern Thailand...he's a fantastic laugh so we should get up to some mischief...

Touch Down In Bangkok!

2005-10-15T01:22:00.000+01:00

Mr Khamkerd and I at Bangkok International Airport...feeling the love...

(Sigh of relief!!!)

Okaaaay!! So, after an 18 hour flight, which included a stop-over in the punishing temperatures of Doha and a baby barfing and urinating on the seat next to me, I finally arrived in Bangkok...the only problem now being my inability to find the OEG representative sent to pick me up. After much stressing, I finally found the guy, a Mr Khamkero who looked 19 despite being 28...when I told him I was 23 he took one look at my beard and laughed...nice!

We waited for another foreign teacher on the programme, Tiffany from the US, she was real cool. After experiencing Bangkok's wall of heat and congestion upon walking out of the airport, we shared our hopes, concerns and inspirations...we agreed to hit this place with a completely open mind...I still couldn't believe I was here...

That night I met Andrew, also from the US, he was going to be my roomie for the following week (unfortunately for him!). We clicked straight away, probably because we both had a dangerously laid back approach to life!

Helllllllo!!!!

2005-10-15T01:00:00.000+01:00

Helllllo everybody!!! The following blog will detail my experiences in Thailand and beyond!! I have 10 months of adventure in the "land of smiles", I'll keep you updated with everyone of them, from jungle-trekking, getting dodgy massages in seedy back alleys and bathing in exotic waterfalls, to moments of spiritual upliftment from Buddhists sources of inspiration! I have come to this fabulous country to teach English, so I will be introducing you to the main antagonists of this play, namely my fellow foreign teachers, my students, colleagues and random Thai friends I will make on this journey into the unknown...